Posted on: May 7, 2008 10:45 am
Edited on: May 7, 2008 11:00 am

Dirty Magic in Detroit

I'm back, after a much needed day off, to "take time out of my life to express silly hatred and pure jealousy over a sports team I don't particulary care for."  Well at least so is the opinion of UrAjoke.  Well this isn't 8th grade and the Boston Celtics are not Johnny Taylor, the kid with the hottest girlfriend in school, so there was no hatred or jealousy involved.  It is true I do hate some teams in pro sports and I will mention them now so you know when I will be writing with complete bias.  I will honestly tell you that I despise the New York Yankees, Atlanta Braves, New England Patriots, New York Jets, San Antonio Spurs, and, with all my being, the New York Rangers.  I made my list and now I will check it twice...the Detroit Pistons and Orlando Magic, nor the NBA front offices and officiating are on there, so I feel free to continue.

Monday's game between the Pistons and Magic was great.  You had a great paced 1st quarter where the teams played to a 29-29 tie.  You had Detroit proving why they are a great defensive basketball team, holding the Magic to 11 points in the 2nd to take a 10 point lead into half time.  Then you had the Magic erasing a one time 14 point deficit to take a 1 point lead in the 3rd.  And then...the fastest way to taint an otherwise brilliant game.  With 4.8 seconds left on the clock in the 3rd quarter, Rodney Stuckey races down the court, jumps and in mid air passes back to Chauncey Billups, who then buries a long 3 pointer to give the Pistons a 4 point lead.  Wow they did that in 4.8 seconds?  Uh no.  Unlike David Blaine, who cannot do a real magic trick to save his life...I mean seriously guy pull a rabbit out of a hat or something.  Who wants to see you sit in a box suspended in mid air for 3 days...oh wait I strayed.  Unlike David Blane, the Pistons were the ones with the real magic that night, running that entire sequence in only 0.7 seconds.  Phenomenal, right?  Wrong.  Because like Janet Jackson's exposed breast on Superbowl Sunday, there was a malfunction.  This time a clock malfunction.  And after further video review it showed that the play actually took 5.5 seconds and the shot shouldn't have counted.  The Magic then went on to pull a stunning 93-92 victory out, evening the series at 1.

Oh but that's what could've happened.  But this isn't It's a Wonderful Life, and we don't get to go back and have a do over.  Because what really happened was the referees were not allowed to use video review, thus needing to "estimate" how long the play took.  And like the utter mathematical geniuses they are, they estimated the play took 4.3 seconds.  Yeah sometimes I pull numbers out of my ass too.  Like when a cop pulls me over and asks me if I know how fast I was going.  So what was a 2 point game with only 11 seconds to go in the game, could have been a 1 point lead in favor of the away team.  Ofcourse theres no way of speculating what would've happened if they had disallowed the basket, so you can't automatically say the Magic would've won.  But what we do know is that with 11 seconds left the score really should've been 93-92 in favor of Orlando, and we pray that would've stopped Hedo Turkaglu from heaving up that disgusting 3 with 45 seconds left.

I'm not saying this is a tainted win by Detroit, they played a heck of a game.  But it is a heartbreaker for the Magic, especially in a playoff game.  The real crime is the fact that the refs could not use the video replay.  It's absurd to me that we can't use technology to our advantage.  Why, because it'll ruin the integrity of the sport?  We're not asking to review if a guy's foot was on the line, we're merely asking to use technology to correct a problem that was caused by technology.  I think a video replay evens out a malfunctioning clock anyday.  The point is, the NBA should revisit their rules on replay when it comes to clock errors.  Because following the system they have now put a black cloud on an otherwise outstanding playoff game.

I'm realizing now I should have put David Blaine on my most hated list.  He'd be right below the Rangers.

Category: NBA
Posted on: May 5, 2008 3:22 am
Edited on: May 5, 2008 6:24 am

Happy in Boston? You Should Be Queazy

I never quite agreed with the old 'the pen is mightier than the sword' adage.  Think about it.  If you took a Bic into a fencing match, it's going to get ugly, isn't it?  I much prefer the 'sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me' saying.  With that said, Boston fans stop squirming.  This shouldn't hurt a bit.

The Celtics laid a hurtin on the Hawks last night.  They won by 34, thus taking Game 7 and winning the series.  The game was never in doubt and the Celtics showed why they had the best record in the NBA this season.  Yeah, so everything was true up until that last statement.  The Celtics were supposed to have the easiest first round series since Dr. Naismith poked a hole in the bottom of a peach basket and dropped a ball through it.  And instead they barely make it to the second round.

All the experts picked the Celtics to sweep, and while I do think Atlanta has a talented team, I thought the same.  So in that sense the whole city of Boston should be disgusted.  There shouldn't have been cheering and highfiving going on at the game last night.  There should have been a lot of finger pointing and 'it's about time' yelling.

The Celtics had the best record in the NBA by far this year.  They sport a trio of superstars in Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce.  The Hawks have a lot of young talent but no one can be put into the category the Boston 3 are in.  The Celtics swept the series in the regular season, winning each game by double digits.  There is no way this game should have went more than 5 games.  But what is even more embarrassing is that the Celtics lost all 3 games on the road, including blowing double digit leads in 2 of them and having the lead going into the 4th quarter in 2 of them.  If the Celtics can't close out the games they have late leads in, LeBron James is going to have as much fun with them as a guy with a shoe fetish would have in Imelda Marcos' closet.  (Really, an Imelda Marcos reference in an NBA piece?  For that matter, an Imelda Marcos reference, period?).  Anyway...this was the ONLY series that went to 7 games and it pitted the playoff team with the best regular season record against the team with the worst. 

I forgot to mention that the Hawks were 8 games under .500 in the regular season while the Celtics were 50 games over.  Wait there's more.  The Hawks had the worst record of any playoff team since 2003-04 when the, yes, Boston Celtics were 10 games under .500 and made the postseason.  I am not trying to bash the Hawks in any sense, but this should not have been this close.  And Boston fans should be terrifed that the Celtics didn't win a road game.  Every other team in the playoffs so far has won a road game.  This could be a huge problem in the upcoming series.

So like any foolish sports player who goes out and says 'I guarantee my team will win Game 7', well I guarantee the Celtics will not win the championship.  Not this year at least.  I would love to see someone from the East win it all, but with this past weeks performance, I can't believe it will be Boston.  So sling your tomatoes.  Well maybe you should just write something mean.  Tomatoes are going to hurt.


Category: NBA
Tags: Boston, Celtics
Posted on: April 30, 2008 7:38 pm
Edited on: April 30, 2008 7:58 pm

Avery Sad Day in Dallas

Ok so I finally did it.  I dusted off that $6.99 bottle of Andre, cracked it over the bow of my blog, and have finally set sail.  I've been resisting actually putting a blog up here because I really didn't feel like anyone was going to read it.  Honestly I'm 99% sure that this badboy is going to go unseen anyway, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

There's an old saying that goes 'if it aint, broke, don't fix it'.  And then there's an old saying in sports that goes 'if it's broke, fire the head coach'.  Both sayings are at the forefront in Big D tonight because if the Mavericks would have just adhered to the first saying, there may have been no reason to be muttering the latter.

Avery Johnson got the axe today and it was undeservedly so.  Let's ignore the fact that no one can understand a damn word thats coming out of his mouth.  And we'll bypass the fact that he always looks like Gary Coleman did after he said "Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?"  Avery Johnson was a fine NBA coach.  The problem here is he is coaching a team that is run by a poorly dressed baboon. 

Mark Cuban wouldn't know a sensible sports related move if it was written down in front of him on a piece of paper.  And because of it, Avery Johnson lost his job.  Cuban got caught up midseason in a little game of 'keepin' up with the Joneses' and it ultimately ruined any chance the Mavericks had of making noise in the playoffs.  He saw the Lakers grab Pau Gasol and Suns get Shaquille O'Neal .  So Cuban panicked and allowed the whole chemistry of his team to get ruined just to grab a big name star.

Now I'm all for bringing in Jason Kidd.  But not midseason.  Adding a point guard to run the show midseason is a dangerous proposition because he is not familiar with the team at all.  It's not like plugging a big man into the system and letting him play his part.  It's like going out and hiring a new director for your movie after half the movie has already been shot.  But maybe this was Avery Johnson's fault.  Maybe he was the one who got nervous when big names started going to the Western Playoff teams so he sold his sole for an equally big name.  Highly unlikely though.

Before the Mavericks let Kidd walk on to the court they were 35-18, 2 games behind the Hornets and tied with the Spurs.  After Kidd joined the team they went 16-13 and instead of challenging for the division title, had to fight for their lives to get into the playoffs.  They also depleted their bench after trading guys like DeSagana Diop and Trenton Hassell to the Nets.  Again maybe Avery Johnson could have made Kidd's transition smoother, thus avoiding a handful of losses.  Again doubtful.

I won't even mention the fact that the team lost reigning MVP Dirk Nowitzki for a couple weeks to injury.  I think it was a feat for these Mavs in disarray to even still be in the playoff picture.  I think Johnson should have been giving a round of applause.  But then again, maybe Avery could've caught Dirk before he landed awkwardly, thus avoiding any injury.

If the Mavs only excuse for firing Johnson was the fact that they again had a poor first round showing in the playoffs, well then shame on Dalas execs.  The team was 4-10 against .500 or better teams after the Kidd trade.  What did you expect?

So as you ride off into the Texas sunste Avery johnson, know that this sports fan does not blame you for the downfall of the Dallas Mavericks.  After thinking about it, maybe you're better off leaving the crazies in the front office behind.  I hear the Knicks are still hiring.

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or