Posted on: July 14, 2008 2:44 pm
 

Wordsmitheration

An ode to English plurals


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
 
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
 
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
 
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
 
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
 
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
 
If the plural of man is always called men,
 
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
 
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
 
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
 
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
 
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
 
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
 
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
 
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
 
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
 
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
 
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
 
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
 
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
 
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
 
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
 
English muffins weren't invented in England .
 
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
 
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
 
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
 
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
 
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
 
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
 
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
 
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
 
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
 
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
 
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
 
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
 
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
 
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
 
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

Category: General
Posted on: June 30, 2008 12:43 pm
 

Wedding romance leads to love (making)

We had the great opportunity to go to a wonderful wedding this weekend.  My girlfriend and I both took advantage of the occasion to wear our little black dresses of which all ladies must have at least one current design.  She looked so beautiful and sexy in her low cut tuxedo dress (see today's avatar). I wore a below the knee A-line that was open in back to my waist.  We had a great time dancing with the single men there and even turned a few heads when we danced together.  In the end we all got pretty worked up.  I noticed many of the singles paired up for what I hoped was some romantic fun in the privacy of their hotel rooms. This wedding had so many twenty somethings and they all came dressed to party so it was sort of obvious when the dance floor emptied and the new couples headed upstairs.  First hand I can assure you that I had plenty of after hours fun with my friends. 

Sunday morning was particularly interesting.  Amid the hangovers at breakfast there was an air of giggling, discomfort, pointing and whispering.  But there were at least a few couples that did not seem to mind.  Maybe they will fall in love and get married soon.  As a hopeless romantic I hope so.

So to you my friends of the board.  I am willing to bet some of you met your love at a wedding, maybe took advantage of the lowered barriers, the tingling loins, the music and dance, the romantic setting, and the free booze to throw caution to the wind and ask someone to dance or more.

Stories please....

Category: General
Posted on: June 26, 2008 1:53 pm
 

How can this be?

A test...

10  +   4   =   2,   true statement.

Prove it....

 

AND  another one:

1  +  1  +  1  =  1, true statement.

How can that be?

Category: NCAAF
Posted on: June 17, 2008 4:01 pm
 

Ray Gunisms -

Ronald Reagan - Gotta love him even if you dislike him.  Great sayings....

'Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.'
  
'The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'
 
'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so'
 
'Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.'
 
'I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.'
 
'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.'
 
'Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.'

'The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.'

'It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.'

 'Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.’

'Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book'
 
'No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.'
 
'If we ever forget that we're one nation under God , then we will be a nation gone under.'
- Ronald Reagan
Posted on: June 6, 2008 3:08 pm
 

Up or down?

My girlfriend and I were arguing about our professional attire.  She is not a fan of the traditional white blouse and dark pencil skirt.  She thinks the look is too librarian.  Especially with your hair up in a bun.  I disagree.  Not only is a crisp white blouse sexy, but a pencil skirt, stockings and heels is a down right powerful combination, not only in business but also after hours.  I think a nice tight bun (hair) and glasses might make a woman look a little too powerful, but I doubt too many men would mind if I hushed you with a stern look.  The lonely librarian I am not,  the look works for me.  She is into more colorful displays and though I like some of them, I just don't think of that look as the powersuit.  And she says a womans hair should be down, never in a bun.

So I ask....Up or Down?

Category: NCAAF
Posted on: May 21, 2008 3:22 pm
 

Chatter on the diamond translated to the bedroom

We have all played baseball or softball or at least watched a movie about kids playing ball.  So it is safe to assume we have all heard the coach yell, "Talk it up out there!!!"   Followed by a cacophony of taunts, chants, annoying barbs meant to distract, and pure old noise which causes the parents to wince or groan. I went to a game to watch my nephew play baseball.  He is so cute in his little uniform, but I digress.  I heard, "Hey batter, batter, batter, swing batter!"   "Swings like a rusty gate."  "He's got the bat on her shoulder!"  "You got it, you got it, hum it baby!"  Now that last one got my attention.  I began to notice similarities between this juvenile chants and some of the demands I have heard (given) in the bedroom.  And I wondered if it was my imagination which has been known to frequent the gutter.   A devilish smile found my face and sat down for a while.

I began to think about my sex coach yelling, "Talk it up out there!"  What would I say?  My favorite right now, "You got it, hum it babe!"

I am sure you can all contribute something to this tawdry blog.  The winning responses will get used the next time I get home.  I will let you know how it is received.  Nothing that would require I delete your entry, please!

Smorgie

 
 
 
 
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com