The New York Yankees may have found their missing piece in their quest to return to glory. Sidney Ponson was recently inked to a deal, and he has already made a strong impression in the Yankees clubhouse. "I idolized Sidney while I was growing up in Nebraska", said Yankees starter Joba Chamberlain. "It will be a tremendous honor to toe the same rubber as him. I hope to pick his brain so I can glean some of his knowledge, and he will definitely be a mentor for me on and off the field."
Yankees catcher Jorge Posada fully supported the move as well. "Brian Cashman has been an administrative genius", said the awed backstop. "Everything he touches turns to gold. I implore you to name one general manager who is in Cashman's league, considering his limited resources. We just don't have the cabbage to go out and acquire a Johan Santana in the offseason, like those freespending Metropolitans. Well, Cashman got the next best thing, and I will consider it an honor to lay down a signal for him. I just hope I don't get too nervous."
Team captain Derek Jeter admits that he may have to downplay his leadership role for the remainder of the season. "I was the big dog around here, but no longer", said Jeter. "It was fun while it lasted. When we were on the road, the chicks would flock to me. Now they will be pawing all over Sidney, but I can handle it. Giambi and I joke that Ponzie should save a few of those Trixies for us!" When Darrell Rasner heard the news he voluntarily gave up his #43 to Ponson, who wore the number in Baltimore. "I will now don #21 because I can only wish to be half the pitcher that Sidney Ponson is....and also because they wouldn't let me wear 21 1/2."
Hank Steinbrenner, never at a loss for words, claimed with confidence, "This is the greatest acquisition in the history of the New York Yankees, bar none. Just sit back and enjoy."