Gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart I must report the following circumstance that has happened within my family. I don't know if I should even say this publicly for the shame and humiliation that we are undergoing here in the Flamingohead household. The pain is almost unbearable.
My son -again, I probably shouldn't be pouring my feelings out here in a public forum - has been, I don't know how to say this exactly, but anyway, my son has been drafted by the Little League Junior Division Do.. d...d. No I can't say it.
Through his tears, he has informed me that the minute the season is over, he will burn his hat and uniform.
My daughter's boyfriend gave me a Los Doyers t-shirt a couple years ago. Despite the fact this is supposed to be a rip on the blue scum, I still cannot bring myself to wear that color. Speak to your son about a character-building opportunity!
Hang in there. Played four years of Pony ball in a Dodgers uniform. Built character. Don't get me wrong, it also sent my father into prolonged therapy and my grandpa to his untimely demise, but it did build character.
Flamingo head..........looks like your son's team is destined to win its League Title!! I coached Junior Giants for a few years (a great organization) and had to walk around wearing a Giants hat.
My doctor told me the hat probably cost me a few years of my life span. It was worth the sacrifice, however.
Flamingo, my question is what kind of contract did your son sign?
If he was drafted by the Dodgers, then the following things come into play:
1. He is entitled to $125 million dollars worth of candy from the snack bar. Other players on is team will sign for almost as much reaching a grand total for the team of almost 1 billion dollars in snack bar candy. But there is no need to fear...Time Warner has decided to fund the whole thing!
2. Your son will get to have a section of the bleachers at his little league field roped off and called "Flamingoland". In order to sit in this section, you must wear a Flamingo hat with a Dodgers logo on it. There will be dreadlocks hanging out of the bottom of the hat.
3. Your son will have the opportunity for Vin Scully to tell useless stories about him and his family; things like how your son and Barry Bonds have in common the fact that they BOTH enjoy chocolate ice cream. and other important facts. If he wears the number 22, then Vin can also yell that "deuces are wild" when he comes to batin the second inning, with 2 down and the count 2 and 2.
4. Fans (family members) of your son's team will be required to arrive during the third inning and leave after the fifth, citing freeeway and parking difficulties as the reason for the late entrance and early exit. Also, despite the fact that all of the seats in the bleachers may not be filled, his team will declare every game a sell-out.
5. The spokesperson for your son's team will be an ex-basketball player from the local high school named "Magic" Jones. Jones was once great, but now does local basketball coverage. Jones will declare that the Dodgers will do ANYTHING they can to win, even if means spending more money at the snack bar!!!
6. Your son's team will get visits from Rob Reiner, who will be a big fan of your son's team. None of the kids have any idea who he is, but once he hands out copies of "The Princess Bride" to all of the players, they will all declare that "the fat guy with the scruffy beard is pretty cool".
7. They will look at the Giants with distain, and claim, that unlike the Giants, NONE of the players on your son's team have ever used Flinstones Chewable vitamins. It will be revealed later, that in fact, several of the Dodgers have used Flintstones. Management for your son's team will try and push this fact under the carpet.
8. Only Dodger Dogs will be allowed at all team barbecues and your son's team will institute an "all you can eat" pavilion in the stands. This will give the Dodger fans more food to throw at opposing teams.
9. Finally, after finishing behind the Giants for three consecutive years, your son's team will go out and sign whatever players they can from every other team. It won't matter if they are hurt, malcontents, overpriced, out of shape, or dating cheerleaders named "Rihanna", the Dodgers will sign them. After signing all of these players, your son's team will insist that it has nothing to do with the fact that the Giants have won championships, and your son's team hasn't. They will insist that the reason for getting all these players is to show the fanbase of your son's team that they are serious about winning. Like they weren't serious about winning before the Giants won. Right.
Flamingohead, ol' buddy, remember, this too will pass. Your son has a great grasp of the situation. Now, where is that lighter fluid?
Flamingo, hang in there! That is the one thing I fear when my son gets to an age where he plays little league. At least I'll know who to come to if I have any questions on how to deal with it.
We went through the same some years ago. My son came home, also in tears, with this horrible uniform (the team had been something else the previous year). After it was agreed the hat would be burned at season's end, he went on bravely wearing the enemy colors. The day the season ended, promises were lept and hat burned. It was the worst LL team he played on. We blame the team colors.
