With our pole proudly displayed in a corner, and the Festivus meal ready to be served, it's time for the "Airing of Grievances."
What, you're not familiar with the holiday? Well, that's a Festivus miracle unto itself. Watch the video above, and you will become acquainted.
Before Dayn Perry and Matt Snyder duke it out in their feats of strength, we shall visit how each of the 30 teams in Major League Baseball have disappointed their fans over the last year:
Baltimore Orioles: It's tough to be too disappointed with the Orioles following their miracle-laden 2012. However, our grievance is with the Baseball Writers' Association of America. While cooler heads may note the A's Bob Melvin was equally deserving of the group's Manager of the Year Award, this is not a time for rational thought -- it's Festivus, and in that spirit -- Buck Showalter was robbed!
Boston Red Sox: Where to start? Let's just make this one short and sweet -- Bobby Valentine.
Tampa Bay Rays: While Miami enjoyed a brand new stadium and a crappy team, the Rays were stuck with a good team and a crappy stadium. Life just isn't fair sometimes.
Toronto Blue Jays: In June, the Blue Jays had to put three starting pitchers on the disabled list in a span of just four days. In all, the team used a franchise-record 32 pitchers on the season.
Chicago White Sox: The White Sox led the American League Central for 117 days in 2012 but went just 2-10 over their last 12 games to concede the division title to the Tigers.
Detroit Tigers: Getting to the World Series is great, but being swept really hurts. Since the 1984 title, the Tigers are 1-8 in World Series games.
|David Glass ponders his next move in his war against winning baseball in Kansas City. (Getty Images)|
Kansas City Royals: If not for Jeffrey Loria, David Glass would be known as the game's worst owner. We've already heard your grievances over dealing Wil Myers, but that wound won't be healed by time, it'll get worse over time, so we have zero problem with beating that dead horse.
Minnesota Twins: It seemed like the Twins did the right thing in locking up Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau in 2010 and 2008, respectively, as the team was opening a brand new stadium. Instead, the two players have hit just a combined 16 home runs at Target Field over the last three seasons as they've struggled with injuries.
Houston Astros: Not only did Bud Selig strong-arm the Astros into moving to the American League, the team has been put in the AL West amid an arms race between the Angels and Rangers, while the Mariners could be waiting in the wings as the next big spender. New GM Jeff Luhnow appears to be playing it smart and building the team from within, but that's not going to help over the next couple of years
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: The first month of Albert Pujols' 10-year, $240 million deal saw the 32-year-old .217/.265/.304 without a home run, creating a hole deep enough that even Mike Trout couldn't dig them out.
Oakland Athletics: Of all things, the A's miracle run of 2012 had to come up against a Justin Verlander performance in Game 5 of the ALDS. The A's managed just four hits against Verlander, ending their season with a 6-0 loss to the Tigers.
Texas Rangers: Texas had a five-game lead in the AL West with just nine games to go -- and with six games left against the A's, it would take a complete tank job coupled with a crazy run by the A's to blow it. Well, the Rangers lost seven of their last nine and the A's won eight of nine, forcing Texas to play in the first-ever AL wild-card game, which they lost.
|Sam Holbrook's infield-fly explanation didn't satisfy Fredi Gonzalez or Braves fans. (Getty Images)|
Atlanta Braves: Two words: infield fly. Two more: Sam Holbrook. One more: sorry.
Miami Marlins: Another offseason, another firesale. At least the other times the Marlins traded off all their best players, they were coming off World Series titles.
New York Mets: Festivus may have been fictionally invented by the father of a former Yankees employee, but it was a Mets fan who brought it to the country's attention. And boy, do the Mets have some grievances. You can go with the Wilpon family's financial problems, the dealing of R.A. Dickey or the team's 28-48 record over the second half of the season.
Philadelphia Phillies: While a pitcher's win-loss record isn't stressed as much as it once was, it's still shocking to see a 6-9 mark next to Cliff Lee's name. Lee finished the season with a 3.16 ERA in 30 starts but didn't get his first win until July 4, in his 14th start of the season. The Phillies scored one run or fewer in eight of his starts and just two in three more starts.
Washington Nationals: The Nationals blew a 6-0 lead in Game 5 of the NLDS against the Cardinals, but it wasn't a one-game ordeal. Washington's bullpen allowed 15 earned runs in 18 2/3 innings during the series. It wasn't just the relievers who let Davey Johnson down in the team's first-ever postseason appearance -- only Ross Detwiler had a quality start against the Cardinals. To this day, Nationals fans are asking, what if Stephen Strasburg had been available?
Chicago Cubs: New president Theo Epstein seems to have the team headed in the right direction, but can he just complete a deal one of these days? First there was the deal that would have sent Braves right-hander Randall Delgado to Chicago in return for Ryan Dempster in July, but Dempster vetoed the deal. Then in November it appeared the team had acquired right-hander Dan Haren from the Angels in return for Carlos Marmol, but that too fell through. And then last week it looked as if the team had signed right-hander Anibal Sanchez, only to see Sanchez return to Detroit. Maybe it has more to do with leaks in the front office than problems with the deals, but still, it's getting a little ridiculous.
Cincinnati Reds: That darn Hunter Pence. Not that he did anything off the field, but every time this offseason Reds fans see the video of Pence firing up his team before Game 3 of the NLDS in Cincinnati, it has to sting. The Giants survived a Homer Bailey no-hit bid in the game and went on to sweep all three games played in Cincinnati to overcome an 0-2 series deficit -- in the Reds' home park. To add insult to injury, the Giants went on to win the World Series, showing Reds fans just how close they were to the franchise's first title since 1990.
Milwaukee Brewers: Milwaukee was 44-54 when it traded Zack Greinke, 14 games out of the lead in the National League Central. The Brewers then went 37-24 the rest of the way, making a run at the second wild card spot. Could 13 more Greinke starts have helped the Brewers close that gap? We'll never know.
Pittsburgh Pirates: Once again the Pirates teased their fans by threatening to end the streak of losing seasons in Pittsburgh. The Pirates were 16 games over .500 after beating the Diamondbacks on Aug. 8, making it almost a near-certainty the team would record its first winning season since 1992. Instead, Clint Hurdle's squad went 16-36 over the rest of the season, finishing the season 79-83 and marking the 20th consecutive season of losing baseball in Pittsburgh.
St. Louis Cardinals: The Cardinals once again had a dreaded 3-1 lead in the National League Championship Series, and for the fourth time in team history and third time in 27 years, they blew it. The Giants won the last three games to move on to the World Series. And for the third time in that instance, St. Louis hardly showed up in Game 7, losing 9-0 to the Giants. St. Louis lost 15-0 in Game 7 of the 1996 NLCS and 11-0 in Game 7 of the 1985 World Series. At least when they coughed up a 3-1 lead in the 1968 World Series, the Cardinals only lost 4-1.
Arizona Diamondbacks: At some point you'd just hope the Diamondbacks would go ahead and trade Justin Upton or somehow quiet the speculation. At the All-Star break and even after the season, there have been countless rumors that this time, really, the Diamondbacks would trade the 25-year-old right fielder. We're sick of it already -- either let him play out his time in Arizona in piece or just go ahead and trade him already.
Colorado Rockies: When healthy, Troy Tulowitzki is undoubtedly one of the game's best players. However, he played in just 47 games in 2012, and since playing in a career-high 155 games as a rookie, he's appeared in just 69.6 percent of his team's games in the following five seasons.
Los Angeles Dodgers: Even in a year that saw the Dodgers finally shake loose of the ownership of Frank McCourt, Dodgers fans had to endure their biggest rival, the Giants, winning a second World Series title in the last three seasons.
San Diego Padres: Their uniforms are the most boring in the game. They're awful, they're just dull. A couple of times a year, they break out the late-'70s brown-and-yellow numbers just to remind us that San Diego still has a team.
San Francisco Giants: Giants fans, you get no grievances -- you're World Series champions, play in one of the game's great ballparks and re-signed most of your key players. If you have grievances, the rest of us surely don't want to hear them.