|Justin Verlander had a rough night on Tuesday ... OR DID HE?! (Getty Images)|
Those who are titilated by such matters will indeed be titilated to know that there's reason -- grainy, sketchy reason -- to believe that Tigers ace Justin Verlander and supermodel/SEO dynamo/bellwether of Western civilization Kate Upton are romantically involved at this very moment.
Exhibit A, courtesy of 98.7 Amp Radio:
Let's treat it like a Rorschach and say that what you have just laid widened eyes upon is incontrovertibly and without dispute Justin Verlander and Kate Upton within that fuchsia, disembodied stick-man head at above left.
Also entered into evidence are multiple breathless sightings of the couple in and around Detroit during recent days. In fact, CBS Detroit confirms street-level scuttle of recent "coziness" and dispatches, courtesy of an embedded source at a bar in Michigan, that Upton was recently "very chummy" with the reigning AL MVP. She may even danced in his private box at a recent Tigers game, which, contrary to the way that sounds, is not a euphemistic phrase for consensual adult pleasures.
Anyhow, the Internet reports that Upton is a Michigan native, and the pair not long ago appeared together in an MLB2K commercial, so all of this sounds plausible enough.
One lasting consequence of this thing that itself will surely not be lasting? A hasty redefining of our notions of the "gentleman."
Verlander, you see, shipped in his friend Frank Viola Jr. (leisured spawn of the former AL Cy Young winner) to accompany Ms. Upton's "gal pal" (gossip parlance!) and fellow clotheshorse Lizzy Glynn. So it was a double date and stuff.
The quartet made their way to a Detroit-area drinking establishment believed to be owned by musical patriot Toby Keith, which sounds just awful. Inevitably enough, though, the night led them down a sawdust-dappled path to the mechanical bull. At that point, what you thought you knew about gentlemanly comportment was changed for good and all. Ms. Glynn tweets:
The notion that you can take off your pants at a bar and still possess the veneer of a Southern gentleman like Colonel Sanders is something to behold and remember. This forthcoming weekend, adjust your behavior accordingly.
Finally, no board-certified post invoking the name of Kate Upton would be complete without an embedded photographic image of sexy relevance. So in conclusion, here's Frank Viola Sr.'s 1983 Fleer card:
(Image of Frankie Changeups courtesy of Rackrs.com)