|This is Ivan Nova. Are you not entertained? (Getty Images)|
Ivan Nova is available for bar mitzvahs. Know that I'm not making a snarky comment regarding his unspectacular pitching and almost eager availability on the trade market. No, it turns out that Ivan Nova really is available for bar mtzvahs.
From a site called Thuzio, which can best be described as a cornucopia of the delightfully absurd, comes this:
I just created an image URL, a portion of which reads "Ivan-Nova-bar-mitzvah.png." I am confident that, in the sprawl of recorded history, this has never happened before. Remember where you were at this moment. Save today's paper and show it -- yellowed, tattered and haunting in its implications -- to your heirs decades from this moment.
Of course, if more intense forms of leisure are your druthers, then please do note that you can hire Turk Wendell to play backyard hoops with you.
To be fair, I know someone whose company hired Train to play for them at a corporate event. Taking a hard foul from Turk Wendell and then falling in dog poo certainly sounds better than that.