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Cardinals pin Giants for EOB Heavyweight Championship

By Dayn Perry | Baseball Writer

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Bow before your new EOB Heavyweight Champion. (Getty Images)

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Before we leap into this urgent dispatch from the front lines of Heavyweight Championship BaseballTM, let's take a moment to review what, exactly, we're up to with all of this. Here's the key passage from our first installment:

Since the concept of championship belts is cool in boxing, MMA and sports entertainment (aka pro wrestling), the Eye on Baseball team has decided to create a Heavyweight Championship belt for the 2013 season.

As the defending World Series champions, the Giants entered the season with the strap. From there, here are our rules.

1. A team must win a series from the champion to take the belt. One game isn't going to cut it, considering it's a 162-game season and teams all view the season in terms of series.

2. If the belt-holder splits a series (two- or four-game series), it retains. Much like on a draw in boxing or a count-out situation in pro wrestling, you don't get the belt unless you actually beat the champion. A tie isn't good enough.

3. If, at the end of the regular season, the belt-holder does not make the playoffs -- and due to the dynamics of this thing, that scenario is entirely plausible -- said team will be stripped of the title for not qualifying for the postseason. Then the winner of the playoffs -- the World Series -- takes the belt and the title into the offseason.

And now the big news: The Cardinals have pinned the Giants and in doing so have laid righteous, blood-soaked claim to the Eye On Baseball Heavyweight Championship!

The bout between champ and challenger came down to Sunday's rubber match in San Francisco. In large part because of a devastating figure-four-leglock of a fourth inning in which the Cardinals plated nine runs, the champs tottered and fell. Afterward, Matt Cain's face was a crimson mask!

The final tally was 14-3, and so thorough was the beating that one couldn't help but suspect the use of a foreign object.

Nevertheless, the Cardinals, freshly adorned with belt and title, will head home to defend their championship -- their heavyweight championship -- against the most worthy Reds. The Giants will lie in wait until another chance comes their way.

And now to the big board, where the history of the Eye On Baseball Heavyweight Championship is chronicled in calendar form ...

 
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