If no one's going to show up at Marlins games, then, by golly, the Marlins are going to make them all sit together!
For the latest bit of low comedy from MLB's superfund site of franchise, we turn to Barry Jackson of the Miami Herald ...
The Marlins, whose attendance ranks last in the National League five weeks into the season, have decided to close the upper bowl at Marlins Park for at least some weeknight games – an approach the team used at times at Sun Life Stadium.
The upper bowl will be closed for six dates in the team's nine-game homestand that begins next Tuesday. Fans can sit only in the lower bowl for games May 14-16 against Cincinnati and May 20-22 against Philadelphia. The upper bowl will remain open for May 17-19 games against Arizona.
Sure, sure, they did this same thing back in their Sun Life Stadium days -- and what days those were! -- but this time around it's funnier.
When your team is lousy and your owner is a mendacious corporate-welfare enthusiast contemptuous of all that he surveys, people aren't going to show up -- especially when said people have only occasionally embraced baseball as a landing spot for their disposable incomes.
But if you make the ballpark look smaller it totally fixes everything.