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Cardinals blind Cubs with hot sauce, retain EOB heavyweight title

By Dayn Perry | Baseball Writer

The Cardinals keep the belt, but it wasn't easy.
The Cardinals keep the belt, but it wasn't easy. USATSI/EOB

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It was a two-game set in Wrigley. The upstart Cubs took the opener by a single run, but the champion Cardinals rebounded to win Wednesday's contest -- also by a single run -- and in doing so retained the Eye On Baseball Heavyweight Championship by virtue of a series tie.

Wait, the "Eye On Baseball Heavyweight Championship"? What's that? That's this ...

Since the concept of championship belts is cool in boxing, MMA and sports entertainment (aka pro wrestling), the Eye on Baseball team has decided to create a Heavyweight Championship belt for the 2013 season.

As the defending World Series champions, the Giants entered the season with the strap. From there, here are our rules.

1. A team must win a series from the champion to take the belt. One game isn't going to cut it, considering it's a 162-game season and teams all view the season in terms of series.

2. If the belt-holder splits a series (two- or four-game series), it retains. Much like on a draw in boxing or a count-out situation in pro wrestling, you don't get the belt unless you actually beat the champion. A tie isn't good enough.

3. If, at the end of the regular season, the belt-holder does not make the playoffs -- and due to the dynamics of this thing, that scenario is entirely plausible -- said team will be stripped of the title for not qualifying for the postseason. Then the winner of the playoffs -- the World Series -- takes the belt and the title into the offseason.

Anyhow, the Cardinals, en route to defending their belt and title in the most underwhelming of fashions, benefitted from some controversy. In the seventh inning, the Cubs batter, Julio Borbon, was called out for running inside the baseline on a bunt. So instead of first and third no outs, the Cubs had a runner on first and one out. A double play followed. Defeat followed that. Here's the play in question ...

Wait. Did you see that? Take a look again, this time from a slightly different angle ...

Yep. What at first blush appeared to be a borderline umpiring decision regarding base-running was actually an instance of the Cardinals' blinding the Cubs with illegal hot sauce in order to keep the belt and the title. Lo, the champions have been exposed as rogues and scoundrels! What shall we tell our children on this day?

As proved throughout human history, power corrupts. Sadly, it is no different with the hallowed and exalted Eye On Baseball Heavyweight Championship.

Carry on we must. Here, then, is the Gregorian Calendar of Champions, now updated to reflect the fact that the Cardinals will keep the belt until at least May 10, which marks the first game of their three-game home set against their next challengers, the belt-hungry Rockies ...

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