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Today in NL East porno news

By Dayn Perry | Baseball Writer

More MLB: Scoreboard | Standings | Probable Pitchers | Sortable Stats | Odds

It's been since never that we viewed the National League East through the soiled lens of porno, so let's belatedly see to this urgent business.

First, let's borrow a dispatch from our chiseled, classically handsome co-workers over at Eye On Football. Here are the words of Hollis Thomas, who used to play for something called the "Philadelphia Eagles" in 2002 when they shared a workspace with the Phillies:

"[The Phillies] did have an awesome... we used to share like the shower and rest room area at the Vet, and they had an awesome collection of porn," Thomas said on the 94WIP Morning Show, via CBS Philly. "They did, it was just like a bunch of books in there. It was just in a chest. When I first got there I was like, 'What is this?' They was like, 'This is reading material.' I was like, 'Reading material?' ...

"Everybody knows about the blue chest. It was an array, a pretty good array of magazines. You actually had a variety too. It was almost like a newsstand, put it that way. Actually, yeah, it was the precursor to the internet. You just picked up one, and there was a little sign that said when you're done with the book, put it back. I did get a couple of books where the pages were stuck together."

A blue chest of porn at the Vet! Necessary artist's rendering:

Excelsior!

Elsewhere in the "Dirty Division" (also acceptable: "Lascivious Loop"), we have Davey Johnson, manager of the disappointing Nationals.

Via CBS DC, we learn that Johnson, during a recent radio appearance, was presented with the rumor that Red Sox slugger Mike Napoli may or may not be involved with a porn thespian by the fake name of Rachel Starr.

As for the possibility of his players loading up on antibiotics and dating porn industry professionals, Johnson quipped, "Well none of my guys could cause we can't score."

He's talking about runs, not coitus, you guys.

In conclusion, know this: When MLB locates an expansion franchise among the ruins of Gomorrah, expect that team to join the dirty-birdy NL East.

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