As scientific, peer-reviewed journals have taught us, the only thing people love more than bobbleheads is Mariano Rivera. So the Yankees' decision to pass out 18,000 Mariano bobbleheads on Tuesday night was as obvious as it was necessary. The only problem is that the bobblehead supply chain, on which this republic was built, was not up to the task.
As CBS New York notes, the bobbleheads did not arrive before the game, and the Yankees initially decided to keep the gates closed until all those Tiny Mo's showed up. Here's what that looked like:
Not optimal! Eventually, the Yankees, realizing the bobbleheads weren't going to make it before social unrest took hold outside the stadium walls, opened the gates and passed out hastily crafted bobblehead vouchers. You'll note that the people -- the same people who love bobbleheads and Mariano Rivera -- detest lines and vouchers with the fury of a thousand burning Paul O'Neills.
Anyhow, the Yankees finally received the bobbleheads in time to start passing them out in the third inning. So meander over between innings and pick up your Tiny Mo, all while not missing a pitch of the Rays-Yankees game? Not so simple. Here's a glimpse courtesy of our friends at CBS New York ...
Those are the lines to redeem those vouchers. The people do not like those, either, particularly when those lines cause them to miss a great deal of the game they paid to see.
So what happened to precipitate L'Affaire Bobblehead Mariano? This:
Yankees spokesman Jason Zillo said a train transporting the dolls from Seattle had a mechanical problem Monday. Then the truck bringing the bobbleheads from the train to the stadium had "hydraulic issues," causing further delays.
Those are demonstrably not useful engines.
Better idea: Next time, just air-drop the bobbleheads onto the playing field and allow the people to swarm upon them in righteous and holy combat while those who inhabit luxury boxes regard the fallen with mounting amusement.