Oscar Meyer Wieters. H to the Rizzo. Honey Nut Ichiros.
These are just a few of the names of teams in fantasy leagues all around the globe over the last several years. Whether owners choose to shout out the hometown Braves with the team name Carry On My Heyward Son, trumpet a first-round fantasy pick with the name CarGo's 'ship or pay homage to an all-time great by naming a team Show Me the Koufax, team names play an integral part in the fantasy experience.
That's why it's never too early to line up the name of your next dynasty.
Much of the time, owners like to incorporate the hot, new talents into team names. If you were to poll the millions of online fantasy baseball leagues, I'm sure you'd see more names with Trout, Myers (or Wil) and Harper (or Bryce) than you would steady veteran names like Holliday, Hunter (or Torii) and Utley (or Chase). So much like when fantasy owners go prospectin', let's mine for prospect-name gold and come up with a few good (and a few bad) names that'll impress your league and literally guarantee* you a fantasy championship.
10. Max Fried, Min Grilled
Pro: Obvious Simpsons (Max Power) implications, and betting on a Padres pitching prospect to do well seems smart in theory, even though this guy is dealing with elbow issues this spring.
Con: First Lady Michelle Obama may have a cross word or two for you for promoting unhealthy living, plus the name doesn't roll off the tongue.
9. Folty Towers
Pro: Good for leagues stacked with British TV comedy enthusiasts or die-hard Astros fans who already know how to spell the name of pitching prospect Mike Foltynewicz.
Con: Foltynewicz may very well end up being a relief pitcher long-term, and no one wants a team named after a player at the most fungible position in fantasy baseball.
Pro: You'd be helping to educate your leaguemates before this prospect hits primetime, as Orioles infield prospect Jonathan Schoop's last name is pronounced "Scope."
Con: Anyone in your league that grew up with a cell phone from a young age probably has no idea what a kaleidoscope is, and Schoop doesn't seem like a player that's going to take the rotosphere by storm.
7. An Appel a Day
Pro: Astros prospect Mark Appel is, unlike the three guys above, a top-level prospect who has the upside to be an early fantasy pick in the future.
Con: You'll completely blame yourself if your team name can't keep the doctor (James Andrews) away.
6. Game of Odors
Pro: You'll get fantasy-novel street cred with reference to the Hodor character in Game of Thrones and get bonus points if you own both Rays pitcher Jake Odorizzi and Rangers infield prospect Rougned Odor, whose stock shot through the roof last season.
Con: Considering fantasy sports is often called D&D for jocks, is fantasy-novel street cred a good thing? Does it even exist?
5. Joc Jams
Pro: Speaking of Joc(k)s, this team name shouting out Dodgers outfield prospect Joc Pederson has just the right amount of '90s nostalgia to make a league full of thirtysomethings smile.
Con: With the Dodgers outfield already crowded and the team probably already targeting 17 other veteran outfielders to acquire -- you know, just 'cause -- who knows when Pederson will get a legit shot to show his stuff in the majors?
4. Cole-d, Kohl-der and Kole-dest
Pro: A triple-name fantasy reference in a team name is like the quadruple spinny-something in figure skating. (What do you want from me? I forget all Winter Olympics terminology the second it's over.)
Con: Pirates pitcher Gerrit Cole is already a rising star, while 2013 first-round pick and Twins pitching prospect Kohl Stewart has a lot of minor-league marinating to do. And, while a trendy fantasy sleeper, Angels outfielder Kole Calhoun could make you regret your name if he doesn't deliver out of the gate.
3. Humphrey Bogaerts
Pro: Red Sox infielder Xander Bogaerts is already primed to be a fantasy force this season, so most people should get the prospect reference. Bonus points if you live in a city named Humphrey, because this one totally sounds like it could be the name of a real team.
Con: "Who's Humphrey Bogart?" is a legitimate concern in the year 2014, unless you play in league made entirely of family members.
2. The Wrath of Syndergaard
Pro: This is either the name of the fourth 300 movie or the fifth Thor movie, and everyone will be legitimately afraid to play you in a head-to-head league either way.
Con: Mets pitching prospect Noah Syndergaard is a pitching prospect for the Mets, and I don't have to tell you how those have turned out lately (get well soon, Mr. Harvey!)
1. Tyler Perry Presents Kenta Maeda
Pro: This one's for people who know names like Yu Darvish and Masahiro Tanaka a year before everyone else in their leagues, as Kenta Maeda is set up to be the next great Nippon Professional Baseball export. If you land him in a dynasty league now, you have years upon years of team names to mine from Tyler Perry movies.
Con: That name is perfect, and literally anything else* you do in your life will be a letdown.
Now it's your turn. Show me what you got in the comments section -- it should take less than 60 seconds to come up with something better than nine names on this list (but not Tyler Perry Presents Kenta Maeda, which is unbeatable).