Prior to recording today's Fantasy Baseball Today podcast, gentleman internet personality Adam Aizer tweeted the following.
For today's #FantasyBaseball Podcast I'm looking for PLAYERS WHO SCARE YOU! It's Friday the 13th! Interpret that anyway you want. Go!— Adam Aizer (@AdamAizer) June 13, 2014
Most of the people who responded to the tweet interpreted Adam literally, and sent in players they were unsure about moving forward. I decided to be different and use scary puns to describe players. I think there's a way to combine both approaches, however, and I'll attempt to do so here. We're looking at scary Fantasy players, but also relying on some frightening puns. Feel free to drop your own suggestions in the comments in order to win our love and affection.
Brad Killer - He's been a killer of Fantasy teams, that's for sure. The 24-year-old has hit just .182/.254/.289 over 187 at-bats. Like a typically movie killer, he just keeps coming back to torture you.
Heath Hell - We've all experienced Heath Bell at some point. Despite his lack of performance, he always seems to find himself in a situation where he can pick up saves. His recent opt-out leaves him without a job, but there's always a chance he'll rise again.
Bat Kemp - As in the scary winged animal, not the wooden object used to pummel baseballs. Kemp has been similar to a vampire this year, sucking the life out of most Fantasy teams. Vampires tend to live forever, so maybe he'll turn things around at some point in his lifetime.
Cody Slashy - His performance was slightly better this season, but injuries have now limited his performance. With Maikel Franco breathing down his neck, it's unclear whether the Phillies will "cut" ties with Asche.
Rickie Squeaks - The performance has been solid, but his lack of playing time has turned him into a tiny asset in most leagues.
David Mice - It's two mouse jokes in a row, but I trust you can deal with it. There's plenty of evidence he'll turn things around, but his early season performance likely had Fantasy owners asking for more.
Joe Sour - There's nothing particularly scary about something being sour, but it seems unpleasant. Kind of like having Mauer on your Fantasy team this year, I imagine.
Those are just a few of the names I came up with. Feel free to listen to today's Fantasy Baseball Today in order to hear more from our excellent hosts Scott Fright, Adam Razor and Al Belchior. Share your ideas below.