For sale on Craigslist: signed and possibly cursed Pedro Alvarez jersey
This signed Pedro Alvarez jersey costs $900. Or $10, if you're not a Pirates fan.
Looks nice enough, and it indeed appears to be Pedro Alvarez home jersey. The cost? It's $900. Or it's $10. Let us allow the manifestly talented author of the listing explain all of that ...
The asking price may seem a little high, but I in no way think there is any connection between the fact that I received this Jersey on August 14, and the fact that the Pirates haven't won a game since I received the jersey. That has to be a complete coincidence. In no way, is this jersey bad luck to its eventual owner. The fact that I pulled my hamstring playing softball for the first time in many years on Tuesday night while the Pirates were losing 11-3 had nothing to do with the jersey. I contribute that to my recent birthday which obviously aged me.
By the discounted price offered to any Brewers or Cardinals fans, they would be crazy not to buy/take this Jersey. Not only do they get a signed jersey valued at over $900, but they have a conversation piece when they are guests over to their house. Like I said this jersey has no connection to my Pirates losing 7 in a row while I have had the jersey in my possession. If there is any household where the couple is married with one spouse being a Brewers fan, and one being a Cardinals fan would be the perfect situation for this jersey. Might as well add a little more competitive balance into the relationship and house hold. If this is the case, I will also throw in a Red's beer mug, and Cubs stuffed animal so you can have the whole Central Division represented. If you can prove that you are a fan of one of these teams, I will offer this Jersey for $10. Free to the previously mentioned Brewers/Cardinals household.
As they say on the Internet, you need to read the whole thing. No, you really do.
Someone should also do this cosmically blighted Pirates fan a solid and take the cursed uniform top off his or her hands. Then someone should give him or her a job writing classified ads.
(Wink of CBS eye: Reddit Baseball)