This verdict's already in: Bonds won't hit No. 763

Great. Now Barry Bonds, if the Delusional One still hopes to play baseball in 2008, will have to update his jobs-wanted classified ad before baseball's winter meetings next month in Nashville, Tenn.:

Slugger, M, 22 yrs exp, 762 career HRs, 7-time MVP, 14-time All-Star, will DH, trains hard, might need lots of time off if federal indictment results in hard time in the state pen.

It took four years of investigating, but the nation's official scorer has ruled: In addition to the majority of baseball fans, now the federal government formally thinks Barry Bonds is telling blatant lies about his brushes with anabolic steroids and human growth hormone.

The feds can have Barry Bonds, because no baseball team will want him now. (US Presswire)

The legal system emerged from closed doors and a shroud of secrecy Thursday, and talk about delivering the ol' high, hard one. Remember the quaint days of Bonds receiving intentional passes? Even body armor the size of Montana might not be enough to protect him this time.

To which, the only rational, reasoned response is:

See ya, Big Helmet. Great career while it lasted. Don't let the clubhouse door smack you in the rump on the way out.

This, essentially, is the way Bonds' world ends. Not with a bang, as the poet T.S. Eliot once wrote, but with a whimper.

The Bonds market this winter already was somewhere between slim and none. San Francisco, his greatest benefactor, already kissed him off in September. There was expected to be moderate interest by the random American League team that might be in need of a DH.

Now? Forget it.

This isn't some Podunk charge in some Podunk court. Charged with four counts of perjury and one of obstruction of justice, Bonds, if convicted, could be sentenced to a maximum of 30 years in prison.

Most telling part of the indictment: "During the criminal investigation, evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance enhancing substances for Bonds and other athletes."

For Bonds and other athletes. For Bonds. ...

While commissioner Bud Selig made sure to include the obligatory "everyone in America is considered innocent until proven guilty" line in the statement he issued late Thursday, this is the smoking gun an increasingly agitated sport needed to finally drive Bonds away for good.