Updated Feb. 16
The players are in camp, so what are we waiting for? Here's the first edition of your 2009 Power Rankings.
The rules for this year's rankings: They're written by me, a guy named Larry. They are designed to provide a snapshot of the teams' strength on the day that they're published -- the Sept. 1 rankings, for example, won't take into account how the Pirates totally rocked the Brewers' world in early May.
Also, let me put to rest the misconception that these rankings merely compile a single dumb stupid moron's rank speculation. No, they're based on a scientific, sabermetric formula so abstruse that if I explained it, your cerebral cortex would spontaneously liquefy. You'd spend the rest of your waking days staring out the bay window onto the asylum lawn, blinking infrequently and inhaling dinner through a straw. I can't have that on my conscience ... but I'll say two things: One, that intangibles mean the world to me; and two, that I'm hopelessly, deliberately biased against the team you support.
Finally, and I can't state this strongly enough: If you disagree with anything I write, you're wrong. If you want an open, unfettered exchange of ideas, communist.com is only a click away. Happy readin'.