True Yankees, those gods among men, earn pinstripes in October

October is a great many things. It is the month when the leaves change color, when pucks are rifled and jump-shots floated, when young women respond to Halloween's sartorial challenges by costuming themselves as sexy nuns, sexy Snoopys and sexy thoracic surgeons.

But mostly October is the month where True Yankees™ are enshrined in our hearts and ennobled in our civic organizations. Only in October can players earn vaunted True Yankee™ status, and only then by performing great tasks of baseball might in Games That Matter.

What is a True Yankee™, you ask? It is love. It is devotion. It is a $17,250 per diem. But it's so much more. To be a True Yankee™ is to embody the traits that define our leaders, clergymen and romantic-comedy heroines. It is to swim with the dolphins and to soar with the angels (the sweetly singing ones with pointy wings, not the ones who bobbled and base-ran their way out of the American League Championship Series). It is, quite simply, to live.

So as we patiently await the arrival of a slap-hitting Jehovah on par with Scott Brosius or Brian Doyle, it's time to revisit our exclusive True Yankee™ rankings. As in years past, our methodology takes into account heart, hustle, determination, intensity, sangfroid, unshakabilitude, wanting-it-more-iness and batting average with runners in scoring position.

Before we begin, however, let us remember those who are no longer with us, those who were dropped from the True Yankee™ honor roll since our last go-round: Willie Randolph (on True Yankee™ probation following his managerial tenure on the sad side of town), Joe Torre (surrendered his True Yankee™ platinum card when he had the nerve to find a new job after being shoved out of his old one) and Phil Hughes (a True Yankee™ would've buried that two-strike fastball to Vlad Guerrero, dammit). Our hearts are no more heavy for their departure.

15. Babe Ruth (previous rank: 13): While it does not violate the True Yankee™ charter to inhale fistfuls of pork-based vittles or consort with women of dubious moral character, Ruth made fellow fitness-and-humility enthusiast David Wells look like Jack LaLanne by comparison. Had The Babe paid more attention to his lumpy-oatmeal abs, maybe he'd have been the unquestioned best player in the history of the game, rather than merely one of the four legit candidates for the top slot. This dereliction of duty renders him slightly less true than the rest.

14. Jorge Posada (previous rank: 6): Tumbled down the chart with an execrable Game 6 against the Angels, during which he tapped into two double plays and left 10 runners on base. True Yankee™ managerial apprentice Joe Girardi never committed such a grand-scale atrocity during his playing days, because he rarely made contact with pitched balls.

13. Paul O'Neill (previous rank: 8): Nobody in True Yankee™ history slammed a helmet after a subpar at-bat with O'Neill's toughness and determination. He whined at the umpires with courageous brio, as if he were arguing on behalf of liberty itself. Alas, O'Neill barely resembles the warrior of his playing days as he banters with Michael Kay (corresponding secretary of the True Yankee™ nominating committee) while wearing bespoke suits and sipping green tea.

12. CC Sabathia (previous rank: N/A): The Truest Yankee™ of the AL Championship Series earned his button with three dominant postseason starts, which erased his five previous ghastly ones from the record books. He gets the nod over True Yankee™ rotation mainstays of the past -– Whitey Ford, Vic Raschi, Ron Guidry et Al -– owing to a lack of institutional memory among newbie fans clad in replica Joba Chamberlain jerseys.

11. Don Mattingly (previous rank: 11): It's easy to rationalize Donnie Baseball's decision to flutter away from the True Yankee™ nest: He was only sticking around if he got the manager's gig, which would've been folly due to his lack of managerial experience at any level of the game. On the other hand, Mattingly is the lone True Yankee™ not lacing up the cleats this week who lacks championship jewelry for his fingers. He is a casualty of his dark Yankee era.

10. Mickey Mantle (previous rank: 9): Hearing a child of the 1950s talk about Mickey Mantle is like hearing a modern-day teen discuss Robert Pattinson's beautiful, beautiful bone structure. To wit: If you ever find yourself in an elevator with Bob Costas and the topic of Mickey Mantle comes up, be prepared to perforate your ear drums with a toothpick. Mickey? He was a True Yankee™ through and through, even if he did spend most day games burping up the previous night's lubricants.

9. Reggie Jackson (previous rank: 5): His True Yankee™ bona fides were scuffed ever so slightly when the Village Voice -- which, in one of its frequent un-American tirades, had previously decried the use of taxpayer funds to pay for infrastructure improvements around the new Yankee Stadium -- noted how his career postseason numbers barely measured up to those of Alex Rodriguez, and that was before A-Rod delivered a merciless whupping unto the Angels. Additionally, Reg-gie! Reg-gie! only played for the Yankees for five of his 21 big-league seasons and spent most of that time jousting with teammates, management and the media. But didja see those three dingers on three pitches in the '77 World Series? Two words: True. Yankee™.

8. Joe DiMaggio (previous rank: 6): By all accounts, he was a cheapwad and a colossal jerk. On the baseball field, however, he displayed the easy elegance and untamable spirit we expect from the Truest of True Yankees™, not to mention our Kentucky Derby winners and Nobel finalists. Not every True Yankee™ loves rainbows and happy unicorn sorbets, you know.

7. Alex Rodriguez (previous rank: tied for 27,441st with Joe Cowley and Alvaro Espinoza): Finally, somebody sat poor, sweet Alex down and told him that the 162 games of the regular season don't count toward his True Yankee™ résumé. He seemed genuinely appreciative for the tip, then kicked it June-style as he pulverized Twins and Angels pitching into a fine, chalky powder. Alex has also learned how to handle the media, answering every question about overcoming his postseason struggles with aplomb:

"Alex, what's the difference between this October and the last few?"
"Well, it's been a real team effort out there."
"Is there anything you're doing differently?"
"Well, the team has been pitching so well and we've all got each other's backs."
"To what do you attribute your success?"
"Well, I am a team player who likes playing with his teammates on a team. Team team team. Team."

Spoken like a True Yankee™.

6. Bernie Williams (previous rank: 5): Sssh! True Yankees™ need not speak above a Michael Jackson whisper, nor do they need to officially retire, even after three idle seasons. Sadly, fans didn't recognize Bernie as a True Yankee™ until after he was gone. Constant exposure to Johnny Damon's shotput arm helped them along with that.

5. Yogi Berra (previous rank: 7): Yogi is the most decorated player in team history, having played for 10 World Series winners in 18 Yankee seasons. Plus he said lots of funny stuff along the way ("It gets late early out here," "You can observe a lot by watching," "I really didn't say everything I said"). People attributed these Yogi-isms to an untapped reservoir of folksy wisdom, rather than a significant cognitive impairment. Smart choice.

4. Thurman Munson (previous rank: 3): How's this for a sign of respect? The Yankees transported his old locker, preserved as it was on the day he died, across the street to the new stadium. He was Caesar in eye-black, Churchill in cleats. So taken were the True Yankees™ of the late-1970s with the Cap'n's leadership and charisma, they actually listened when he said, "Uh, guys, let's not punch each other in the head quite so often."

3. Mariano Rivera (previous rank: 4): He's both a True Yankee™ and a sensitive, super-able, hyper-competitive robot. If our Yankees scientists find a way to clone and/or weaponize him, the socialist burg of Massachusetts will fall within two weeks' time.

2. Derek Jeter (previous rank: 3): In the wake of another fine postseason campaign, Jeter needs only to close the deal on the Yankees' 27th world title via a patented feat of Jeterity -- by anchoring an 8-6-4-2-6-5-6-5-6 triple play, or perhaps by spontaneously levitating to catch a Ryan Howard moonshot -- to merit Truest Yankee Ever™ consideration. When he leaves the game, the Yankees won't just retire his uniform number; they'll buy up intellectual-property rights to the No. 2 and remove it from public circulation. Sure, schoolchildren won't be able to learn their times tables without breaking the law, but that's a small price to pay for properly honoring a true True Yankee™.

1. Lou Gehrig (previous rank: 1: He bled Bombers blue. He pooped pinstripes. He died in the service of True Yankee™-dom. Beat that, you punk kids.

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