Save This Franchise: Arizona diamond in rough -- if cosmos cooperates

In my first prediction-type column of the 2009 season, I ranked the Arizona Diamondbacks as baseball's sixth-best team heading into spring training. I loved the Webb/Haren tandem atop the rotation and anticipated that Max Scherzer would join them to form an elite top-three. I wet myself over the 25-and-younger Upton/Drew/Reynolds/Young core, speculating it would propel the franchise into multiple postseasons before becoming too pricey. I assumed that somebody or other would emerge as a reliable bat-misser in front of Chad Qualls, and that Bob Melvin would somehow remain conscious and alert until the seventh inning of night games.

I was less than right. Most everything about the 2009 Diamondbacks was a calamity with disaster sprinkles. After a wave of X-Files-ish injuries and sicknesses (valley fever? is that real?), the Arizona situation devolved into desperation in stirrup socks, an organization-wide lethargy that demanded treatment with equal parts Paxil and pine tar.

All-Star Justin Upton was one of the few reasons to continue watching the D-Backs last season. (Getty Images)

It was bad, dude. But it doesn't have to be bad again, not if we apologize to whatever God of Luck saw fit to rain misery down upon the D-Backs. Let's set off on a redemptive crusade to Save This Franchise!™©®, then, and hit the reset button on the count of three. One, two ...

Overview: Not to disrespect Dan Haren (one of the NL's five best starters, yet again) or Mark Reynolds (whose ferocious hacks were the most terrifying thing on television that didn't involve Joy Behar), but by early August there were only two reasons to watch this team: To see what heretofore unseen miracle of athleticism Justin Upton would engineer that night, and to giggle as A.J. Hinch attempted without success to unravel ancient riddles like the "double switch."

Not only did the D-Backs decompensate, but everything (OK, lots of things) went right for their divisional foes. The Dodgers were devastating during the regular season, with Joe Torre managing every June contest as if it were Game 7 of the World Series. The Giants rode their pitching and pandas to more wins than anybody could've expected; the Rockies soared with defense and depth. Even the Padres miraculously eked 75 victories out of 52-win talent. Factor in the injuries -- most notably to Webb, but also to Qualls, Chad Tracy and a reliever or three -- and the D-Backs didn't have a chance.

Simply put, 2009 represented the perfect storm of suck for the Diamondbacks. It happens. Again: reset button.

Assets: Mostly the same guys who we would have deemed assets at this time last year: Haren, Upton, Reynolds et al. Miguel Montero added some offense (.294/.355/.478) to his sturdy glove. The 2009 disappointments (Chris Young, Stephen Drew, Gerardo Parra) are still way too young and talented to give up on. If those three fellows develop the way scouts have long expected they will, the D-Backs are fine. If they don't? Uh ... Well, then.

Liabilities: There's not exactly a wealth of OBP to be found atop the projected lineup or in its nether-regions. You can't really call Chris Snyder -- a catcher on his way to stardom before a down year/back surgery double shot -- a liability, but the bottom line is that he's a backup set to earn $11.25 million over the next two years. Speaking of giant sucking sounds, Eric Byrnes is a great guy to have around if you need color commentary during the potato-sack race at the team picnic. Unfortunately, that's more or less where his usefulness ends. His speed and kamikaze defense is as much a relic of 2007 as that one Justin Timberlake song. You know, the one with the little falsetto flutter.

Non-helpful and semi-realistic suggestions

1. Don't panic: Short of a clubhouse crime wave, just about everything that could've gone wrong in 2009 for the Diamondbacks did. The ace threw four innings. The centerfielder and shortstop suffered developmental flat tires. The versatile 1B/LF contracted viral meningitis polio pox.

No, the Diamondbacks didn't exactly roll with the punches. They stopped trying in late August, finishing the year on a 10-20 skid. But there was more to the story than the end-of-season indifference and ineptitude. Let's face it: any team that loses a starter of Brandon Webb's caliber in early April is going to be playing from behind the rest of the way.

There's a talented young core here. Financially, with the exception of Byrnes' contract, the team is set up pretty well. GM Josh Byrnes should be thinking tweaks, not wholesale revisions.

2. Bring back Orlando Hudson: Oh, wait -- I'm mandated by the baseball-writer coolness screed to refer to him as O-Dog. Anyway, O-Dog might not have deserved the Gold Glove last season -- Chase Utley did -- but he played his usual fine defense and put up well-above-acceptable numbers (.283/.357/.417) at the plate. On the O-Dog-is-an-O-kay-guy front, he even kept quiet after getting nailed to the bench when Joe Torre got the hots for Ronnie Belliard and his Crisco-slicked thighs.

If you believe Ryan Roberts is the budget-friendly answer at second, that's your prerogative. Just remember he did most of his damage against the portside pitching that he adores (.953 OPS in 134 plate appearances against lefties, versus .678 in 188 against righties), and with a weak glove to boot. Don't complain after the fact that you've let Hudson slip away a second time.

3. Be wary of Brandon Allen: You would think the D-Backs would have learned from the decelerated learning curve of some of their young'uns (not to mention one with whom they lost patience too early, Carlos Quentin). Yes, Allen has decent plate discipline and power of the kind you only see when looking across the diamond at the guy playing third base. But in his first at-bats at the big-league level, Allen looked like what he was: a green 23-year-old.

Maybe he evolves into a masher in 2010. Maybe he doesn't. Either way, the D-Backs need a first base (Nick Johnson, Adam LaRoche) or left field (Parra, I guess) safety net, depending on where they use Conor Jackson. Or maybe the team revisits the straight-up Lyle Overbay-for-Chris-Snyder deal that was nixed by the Blue Jays over concerns about Snyder's back.

4. Check in with the Braves: The Braves have pitching. We know this because they're all but parading around the tarmac, skipping and singing and extending their middle fingers in a "we've got pitching and you don't!" salute.

Derek Lowe costs too much; Javy Vazquez will cost too much to pry away. So perhaps the Diamondbacks should check in on Kenshin Kawakami, who earns less than what the second-tier starters available via free agency (Wolf, Washburn, Piñeiro, Penny) will be demanding. It'll take more than a middling prospect to dislodge him from the Braves' hands, but Atlanta was said to be interested in Conor Jackson, assuming he's non-contagious. Of course, given Arizona's top three of Haren/Webb/Scherzer, this isn't the most urgent of priorities.

Odds of playing meaningful games next September: 3 to 1. I'm a big believer in the elasticity of luck: if everything goes wrong one year, more than a few things have to go right the next one. As the cosmos restores its ever-delicate karmic balance, the Diamondbacks should get a few breaks.

Hence I'm installing them as my best bet for a huge win-loss correction, from last season's 70-92 to something in the 85-77 range. While I won't bank on the young hitters after last season's fiasco, it stands to reason the D-Backs will play better defense (especially if they import a glove man like O-Dog at second) and figure out how to run the bases without GPS guidance. Too, it would be almost impossible for the team to endure as many crippling injuries as it did in 2009, unless it hires the Mets' medical staff of optimistic diagnosticians.

Factor in the aforementioned luck boomerang, and I am going on record -- in early December, no less -- as saying the Diamondbacks will vault past the Rockies and Giants on their way to challenging for the wild card, if not the NL West title. In conclusion, I don't learn from my mistakes.