Player Rankings: Top senior citizens
May 25 (stats continue to update)
I like old people. They keep our cheeks freshly pinched and our candy dishes brimming with succulent treats. Without old people, the nation's non-unionized Bingo callers would join all the teachers and bankers on the unemployment line. Just think about that for a minute.
| Power Rankings |
In baseball, however, old people are cruelly tossed aside in favor of younger, cheaper, better players who don't require the installation of therapeutic healing tubs in the clubhouse. This ain't right.
I'm not getting all discriminatory-hiring-practices on you here; I don't want to see Trevor Hoffman or Ken Griffey Jr. on the field any more than you do. But I would nonetheless like to salute baseball's best 35-and-up hitters and pitchers in today's Player Rankings, if only because the game hasn't yet passed them by -- as it has many of their peers, who quit when it became clear that they could no longer swallow happy pills for a pick-me-up when their limbs got heavy.
Thank you, decent sirs, for your many years of distinguished service. I salute you all.
