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Power Rankings: Rumors flying through Deadline Central Now!

by | Special to CBSSports.com

Updated July 27

Heard this: In the days leading up to Saturday's trade deadline, a person who plays professional baseball for a living is attracting interest from several baseball teams, all of which wish to acquire that person-player's services as part of an exchange or transfer of goods, services or funds (a "trade").

Power Rankings Deadline Central Now!™ has learned that three teams are "in on" the person-player and another two are "definitely" "in the mix," but the team that currently employs the person-player won't deal him unless somebody "knocks them over." While there were indications last night that "the" team was working on a "major" deal, a team source dismissed the rumor as "premature."

Player Rankings

"Nothing [is] imminent," the source added.

While talks remain fluid, there is a growing belief that the person-player's employer was "never close" to a trade late last week, despite numerous reports that the team that has more money than everybody else had separated itself from the other bidders. That moneybags jerkhead team believes it has the necessary pieces to obtain the person-player, but is balking at the cost, even though it has enough cash in its pocket at this very moment to buy Mauritania. Jerks.

Complicating the negotiations is the person-player himself, who is rumored to maybe possibly not want to waive his no-trade clause because his daughter, Cindi, loves her first-grade teacher, Miss Apple. The source, however, suggests that person-player would consent to a deal if the team picks up his $12 million contract option for 2012, if he perceived he'd have a chance to compete for an elusive World Series ring, or if his new home ballpark were located within 35 miles of his hometown, where he owns a chain of faltering drive-thru laundromats.

"It's very fluid," the source said. "Maybe it's not. Maybe it's syrupy and viscous. I'm an anonymous source. I can say whatever I want. Donkey boysenberry raincoat."

Stay tuned to Power Rankings Deadline Central Now!™ for further updates.


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