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Giants' Sanchez a hologram, but some think it's good enough to be an All-Star

by | National Columnist
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Freddy Sanchez hasn't been seen much since the Giants' 2010 World Series parade. (US Presswire)  
Freddy Sanchez hasn't been seen much since the Giants' 2010 World Series parade. (US Presswire)  

We certainly don't wish to irritate Comrade Miller and his annual "Who Got Screwed by America's Baseball Fans" analysis, but he has buried the lead.

Which, of course, we have thoughtfully provided here.

Freddy Sanchez is the baddest dude there is, bar none, no asterisk, no argument, no nothing.

The San Francisco Giants second baseman got 2.2 million votes to finish fourth in the NL balloting at that position. And here are his numbers:

Freddy Sanchez's 2012 statistics
Second baseman, San Francisco Giants
GamesPAABRH2B3BHRRBISBCSBBSOBASLGOPSOPS+
0000000000000.000.000.0000

And those are not rough approximations. He has appeared zero times in uniform. Katie Holmes has as many hits. Mario Balotelli has as many triples. Li'l Wayne has driven in as many runs, and Charlemagne's OPS+ is identical.

But he got 2.2 million votes, which means one or more of the following hypotheses are in play here.

A) He has the power to cloud voters' minds.

B) If everyone followed the rules and voted only 25 times, the fewest number of actual humans who voted him is 91,565. That's a lot of clouded minds (see A).

C) Giants fans are now fully in compliance with the voter fraud regulations of the All-Star Game, which are "Screw it! We got the ads paid for, so what do we care?"

D) Freddy Sanchez should never play again, in case fans get the Hall of Fame vote. He would be a freaking shoo-in.

Why does this bother us? It doesn't. Not me, anyway. I accept the idea of dead people voting in Chicago, 115 percent of a population voting for the candidate in power in many countries, and hanging chads. If this is democracy in action, the action people like most is having their hands in your wallet pockets.

MLB All-Star Game selections
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But you have to admire someone so good he can actually get 91,000 people to see him as an important player without him ever getting out of his pajamas, metaphorically speaking.

And you have to admire the 91,000 people whose love for their team is so great that arcane concepts like "HE HAS BEEN ON THE DISABLED LIST SINCE LAST YEAR, YOU LUNATICS!" matter not a whit.

Now sure, you can say that All-Star Game voting is an advertising gambit that has no meaning whatsoever, and you are right. You can say that the All-Star Game is the worst entertainment vehicle there is except for the Pro Bowl, and you will only by wrong by a few shows. You can even say that nobody is harmed by this kind of harmless fun.

Well, you're wrong. This is the Green Lantern's Power Ring of baseball accomplishments. We only regret that Giants fans didn't have the gumption required to vote for Sanchez as many times as they did for Buster Posey or Melky Cabrera, just to name two players who have actually, you know, played.

Had Sanchez won the vote, Bud Selig would have stammered his way through an explanation that would have made everyone laugh for a few days until the next time someone did something stupid in a nightclub. Hey, it's what passes for entertainment in July. Then he would have unilaterally changed four voting rules on the fly and nobody would ever know who got votes for anything.

But for the moment, we would have seen a hologram play second base. And Comrade Miller would have a hell of a column then.

Ray Ratto is a columnist for Comcast Sports Bay Area (CSNBayArea.com).

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