People still can't get over Sammy Sosa's sneezing himself right onto the disabled list.
"I've sneezed and put some other people on the disabled list," Anaheim manager Mike Scioscia said the other day, grinning broadly. "With this nose, are you kidding me?"
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| Sammy Sosa enters baseball's weird injury hall of fame.(AP) |
Quick, who can match these quotes from the past several days ...
1. "It was like hitting black ice."
2. "An honest and
ridiculous accident."
3. "It happened. I don't know how it
happened. I'm surprised -- I can't believe it happened like that."
... With which player in pain said them ...
a. David Wells.
b. Sammy Sosa.
c. Wes Helms.
Forget Body by Nautilus. San Diego's Wells (2) now has Body by Cuisinart after slicing up his left hand and right wrist in an at-home accident involving a bottle, a wine glass, a bar stool and a friend. Good, old-fashioned horseplay 1, Padres 0.
Helms (1) slipped on the wet rubber surface leading from the visiting clubhouse to the dugout in Puerto Rico's Hiram Bithorn Stadium during one of several heavy rainstorms last week. He subsequently was disabled with a bum knee.
Life happens. It just seems to intrude on Sosa (3) and his baseball cohorts a whole lot more than it does on players in other sports. Probably because, when you're playing a 162-game schedule, it's tough to hide. A football player can skip a few practices and maybe keep it quiet for the most part, but when there's a game every day, it's noticeable anytime you can't make the starting lineup.
"I saw Jason Isringhausen punch a plastic trash can and break his hand," Baltimore first-base coach Rick Dempsey said.
That was noticeable. So, too, was this: Tony Gwynn might have been a wizard with the bat, compiling a .338 lifetime batting average, but he missed a couple of games in the 1980s in an ultimate baseball player injury. He smashed his fingers in the door of his luxury car ... while going to the bank.
It's dangerous out there. It really isn't all that unusual to cut yourself with a pocket knife while attempting to open one of those maddeningly difficult CD wrappings (San Diego's Adam Eaton, who missed a start when he took stitches in his stomach). Haven't you ever sidelined yourself while shoveling snow (Cincinnati's John Vander Wal, who has been out all season following knee surgery after last winter's incident at his home in Grand Rapids, Mich.)? Haven't you ever strained your neck while swimming (Atlanta outfielder J.D. Drew, who missed three games earlier this season)?
Florida infielder Bret Barberie once missed time when he rubbed one of his eyes with a finger wet with jalapeno pepper juice. Dwight Gooden missed a start for the New York Mets when teammate Vince Coleman accidentally hit him with a golf club in the clubhouse. And Steve Sparks messed up his shoulder in Milwaukee a few years back when, after becoming a little too inspired by a motivational speaker, he attempted to tear a telephone book in half with his bare hands.
A-choo! At least Sosa was sneezing instead of lounging. Pitcher Rickey Bones once landed on the disabled list in Florida when he wrenched his back as he lifted himself out of a chair while watching television in the clubhouse.
For good reason, people seem to be skeptical of Wells' version of the events in his home. Do you think it could be because Wells has become one-part cartoon character and one-part pitcher through his actions and his book? A man much smaller than Wells knocked a couple of the pitcher's teeth out during a breakfast fight at 6 a.m. in a New York diner when Wells was on his way in from a night out.
So believe Wells' latest story -- and those of many others -- at your own risk.
"I once had a player strain his ribs while ducking under his shower curtain rod at home," says Tom Trebelhorn, the former Milwaukee and Chicago Cubs manager and current Orioles third-base coach. "His name will go unmentioned, because that's what he said."
Outfielder Marty Cordova two summers ago fell asleep in a tanning bed and burned his face to a crisp. The Baltimore medical staff told then-manager Mike Hargrove to keep Cordova out of a noon game in Oakland because more exposure to the sun would have been too dangerous. Cordova also missed a few more games because of the burn.
"He burned himself up pretty good," Dempsey recalls. "He looked like a pizza when he came in. Pepperoni."
"I don't know how he could do that," Baltimore starting pitcher Sidney Ponson says. "But it's his story, and we have to believe it."
His story, history ... one evolves into the other, eventually. As former reliever Tug McGraw used to say, "Ya gotta believe."
Or, as Sosa said: "It's life, and you've got to deal with that."
How many times have you fallen on your stairs? Former Seattle reliever Kazuhiro Suzuki, you'll recall, was disabled last summer after tripping over his luggage and doing just that.
How many times have you become sick or injured while on vacation? Once, Minnesota pitcher Rick Aguilera exacerbated a case of tendinitis in his wrist while lifting his wife's suitcase up onto the equipment truck as the team was breaking spring camp to head north. He landed on the disabled list.
What about the last time you tweaked a muscle while on a picnic? Last summer, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire severely pulled a hamstring ... bending over to pick up the Gatorade cooler in the dugout.
Asked recently how he felt about the Twins' current rash of injuries, Gardenhire cracked: "I left my hamstrings in San Francisco."
Baseball isn't simply the national pastime for what goes on between the white lines. Among the reasons folks like you and I have grown to love the game, no doubt, is because folks like you and I are forever tripping on the stairs. Or hurting our hands while pounding on the hotel room wall in a futile effort to grab some sleep when the people in the next room are making too much noise (former Florida pitcher Randy Veres). Or straining a muscle while vomiting (former outfielder Kevin Mitchell).
Well. Perhaps the vomiting part never hit you.
But the little-known fact in this alarming trend of goofy injuries is that, while the wackiest steal all of the publicity, things sometimes work in reverse, too. You just never hear about that.
When he was still playing for Minnesota in 1987, Mickey Hatcher had a sciatic nerve problem in his back so severe that he was leaving games after just two or three innings. Doctors told him he would have to undergo surgery, and soon.
Then one day, as he was rehabbing in a pool at a medical clinic near the Metrodome, Hatcher was struck with a sudden case of the cramps.
"So I jumped out of the pool and was running to the bathroom," Hatcher said. "I was coming around the corner, and the floor was wet, so I slipped. I did the splits and slipped.
"My back popped all the way up to my neck when I landed, and I remember sitting there thinking, 'Oh my God, I think I just broke my back.'"
But after a moment or so, when he got up, he could move. He could stretch. He could bend over. All without pain.
"I never had any problems after that," Hatcher said. "I never had the surgery, and to this day, I've never had any more back problems.
"All because I had to go to the bathroom."
Gesundheit!
Around the horn
- Everybody talks about the AL Central, but get this: Los Angeles' losing streak reached eight consecutive games on Friday night -- and the Dodgers remained in first place. Then they lost Sunday to make it nine losses in 10 games -- and they're still in first.
- San Francisco, manager Felipe Alou and, most important, pitcher Jason Schmidt likely got a break when rain wiped out the Giants' scheduled game Sunday in Puerto Rico against Montreal. Alou raised eyebrows around baseball by allowing Schmidt, fresh from offseason elbow surgery, to throw a staggering 144 pitches. Sunday's rainout gives Schmidt an extra day to recover.
- Brilliant, simply brilliant: With monsoon season hitting Puerto Rico last week, Brewers general manager Doug Melvin and manager Ned Yost got creative. They started reliever Matt Wise against Montreal on Wednesday and skipped Wes Obermueller. Though it was Obermueller's turn, the Brewers figured it would be better to just open up their bullpen early to deal with the expected rain delays, because relievers are accustomed to working short stints and starting and stopping. No reason to burn Obermueller during a rain delay -- which, as expected, came about. There was a delay of 49 minutes before the game started and another delay of 48 minutes with the Brewers and Expos were still in the top of the first. The Brewers beat Montreal 3-2.
- The latest bit of statistical evidence pointing toward Atlanta missing the playoffs this fall for the first time since 1990: According to Stats, Inc., of the 14 other teams to have had a perfect game thrown against them during the regular season, only the 1988 Dodgers recovered and advanced to the playoffs. Eight of those teams finished at least 20 games back in the division standings.
- You know you're not in the plans when the skipper can't quite seem to place you: Embarrassing gaffe for Mets manager Art Howe last week when, in speaking with reporters before a game against Houston, he referred to Jason Phillips as "what's-his-face." Howe quickly corrected himself, but let's just say, in New York, the story traveled back to Mets management at light speed.
- Apparently, the steroid issue isn't scaring away many customers. Through 547 major-league games last Sunday -- the date of the latest tabulations -- attendance was up 14.5 percent over last year's average attendance through 547 dates (29,305 a game this year; 25,587 a game last year).
- In Boston, the Red Sox now have sold out each of their 20 home games and have the rest of the season virtually sold out in Fenway Park.
- If second baseman Luis Rivas lands on the disabled list with a groin injury, as expected, Minnesota will have placed six members of its opening day lineup on the DL.
- It made for quite a moment on Wednesday, though, when, thanks to the injuries, the Twins had only one bench player available in Toronto -- and Matthew LeCroy blasted a game-winning grand slam when manager Ron Gardenhire summoned him to pinch-hit.
- So far, you'd have to count Boston's signing of free-agent closer Keith Foulke last winter as a success. In 23 1/2 innings over 20 appearances this season, the guy has allowed only one run.
- Looks like reports of Ichiro Suzuki's demise were premature. The Seattle leadoff man is batting .404 (36-for-89) in May, historically his best month (.390).
- Philadelphia skipper Larry Bowa is thrilled with the production of outfielder Pat Burrell, who seemingly has put a miserable 2003 season behind him. In his first 39 games, Burrell was hitting .319 with nine homers and 38 RBI -- tied for third in the NL. "You have to give him all the credit," Bowa told Philadelphia reporters. "He came to spring training Feb. 1. He didn't have to be there until Feb. 23. He went out there every single day and hit. He did some things on his own. He changed his stance. He dropped his hands."
- The Padres are skipping Jake Peavy's start in Colorado this week after the right-hander reported tightness in his forearm.
- Will the real Texas Rangers stand up? Maybe they have, after knocking off the Yankees in two of three games over the weekend. Now, as for their next test: The Rangers, beginning Tuesday in Chicago, play 31 of 43 games on the road leading up to the All-Star break.
- Tom Glavine's 7 2/3 no-hit innings for New York were very exciting Sunday, but in the end, the Mets remained one of four franchises never to have had one of its pitchers throw a no-hitter. The other three: San Diego, Colorado and Tampa Bay.
Weekend Hot List
The weekend buzz while you were finishing off Richard Clarke's Against All Enemies:
1. Alex Rodriguez returns to Texas: Same old story there, too. His team was beaten in two out of three games.
2. National League West: Researchers now are looking into whether Dodgers can clinch the division title with another eight-game losing streak.
3. Tom Glavine's no-no bid: Glavine no-hit Colorado for 7 2/3 innings on Sunday before becoming bored and muttering, "Boy, these Rockies are awful."
4. Chase Utley: He's been playing so well in Placido Polanco's absence that several in Philadelphia are lobbying for Phillies to dump Polanco and hand second base job to Utley permanently. Guess we should have seen it coming with that first name.
5. Oakland retires Reggie Jackson's No. 9: But Athletics drew the line at producing the "Reggie!" candy bars.
6. Cincinnati red hot: Reds win fifth in a row Sunday, remain atop NL Central. Ken Griffey Jr. for pitching help at the trade deadline, anyone?
7. Zack Greinke's debut: Kansas City phenom started Saturday in Oakland and watched new closer Jeremy Affeldt promptly become the latest Royal to blow a save. Psst, Zack, have you ever tried closing?
8. Rangers disable Gerald Laird: Rookie catcher out with torn ligament in his left thumb. No truth to the rumor that Jim Sundberg is considering a comeback.
9. Richie Sexson: Out three weeks with a shoulder injury, Sexson returns -- only to hurt it again Saturday. If only these young guys could have the longevity of 40-year-old Randy Johnson.
10. Frank Robinson says he'll welcome managing next season: Montreal skipper doesn't know where Expos will play, but says he'd be interested in guiding them. We hear they have suites available at the Watergate in downtown D.C.
