Insider: On this team, Anti is all that matters

Designated hitter: Dustan Mohr, Colorado.

The guy strained his groin jumping out of the dugout earlier this season to join in the celebration following a home run by Barmes. That, combined with the time he already spent in the American League in Minnesota, make him the obvious shoo-in to become our DH.

Unless you prefer recalling former Detroit first baseman Carlos Pena from Triple-A Toledo to serve as DH, which we're willing to discuss. It's not often a guy gets shuttled off to the minors after being a regular in the bigs for the equivalent of nearly three full seasons.

Starting pitcher: Kenny Rogers, Texas.

Most people viewed videotape of Jolly Rogers going Terminator on a television cameraman and used words like "despicable" and "immoral" -- and then they stopped talking about the media and moved along to dissect Rogers' reprehensible actions.

We watched the tape and immediately thought, "Now here's a guy we can use!"

Nice to see Rogers apologize the other day -- and he gets bonus points if he was telling the truth that it was against the advice of his attorneys -- but it's too little, too late. We wrote last week that he should have been banned from the All-Star Game, and we still fully endorse that point of view.

However ... Jolly Rogers already has earned a position in the Anti All-Star Hall of Fame with his antisocial and criminal attack on the defenseless cameraman.

All we can say is: If our manager needs to visit the mound to remove Rogers, we're sending him out there with a catcher's mask and helmet.

And poor Oliver Perez. If not for Rogers, the Pittsburgh starter would be our starting pitcher for landing on the DL after breaking a toe while kicking a laundry cart in a fit of anger.

Also considered: The Cubs' Carlos Zambrano, who had to be told to stop spending so much time at his computer after coming up with a sore elbow.

Closer: Steve Kline, Baltimore.

He's more of an eighth-inning guy for the Orioles, but we'll gladly use him in the ninth.

First, the guy begins the season by essentially insulting everybody in his new city by insinuating he wished he was still pitching for St. Louis. David Letterman, he's not.

Next, Kline has pitched the Baltimore staff to a major league-leading eight balks -- Kline is responsible for three of them, two of which allowed the go-ahead run to score. And what a trick that's been -- the guy entered the season with just one career balk.

Also considered: San Francisco's Brett Tomko, who was bounced from the Giants rotation even though the Giants are desperate for starting pitchers. Tomko was 5-10 with a 5.19 ERA at the time of his demotion, though he will rejoin the San Francisco rotation soon.

Manager: Tony Pena, free agent.

When your club is the worst in baseball under your watch, then shows life when a new guy -- Buddy Bell in this instance -- takes over, it's like watching a balloon fluttering around the room while leaking air.

The lineup

Texas first baseman Mark Teixeira, the American League's starting first baseman in next week's All-Star Game, lists his five favorite road restaurants:

1. N9NE steakhouse at the Palms Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas. "We only go there for spring training, but it's my favorite restaurant in the whole country. The food is incredible. The service is great. It has a nice atmosphere. Steak, fish, a little of everything."

2. Kona Grill, Kansas City. "Great sushi, and the best sea bass I've ever had."

3. Lori's Diner, San Francisco. "I eat breakfast there every day when we're in San Francisco. Omelets, eggs benedict, pancakes, it's all good."

4. Tsunami Sushi, Chicago. "The sushi is incredible. They bring it out on real sushi boats."

5. The Palm Restaurant, Miami. "Anything from steak to shrimp to salmon, you can't get a bad meal there."