Baltimore Orioles

Power Rankings

Date	Ranking	Previous
01/26/2012	29	28
Good business: They may not have filled any of their pressing needs (rotation depth, power-hitting corner infielder, usable left fielder), but only a single starter -- Nick Markakis -- underwent surprise midwinter surgery. That's progress. Bad business: They extended a two-year contract with an option to Wilson Betemit, last seen missing breaking pitches by three yards in the ALCS. He accepted faster than you can say "Chris Jakubauskas." Prognosis as of 11:14 a.m. GMT on Jan. 26, 2012: They won't sniff fourth place. They're the only team in baseball that goes into the season knowing that beyond a reasonable doubt.
10/31/2011	28	22
2011 eulogy: There's a Facebook petition to change the team name to The Baltimore Diaper Caddies. Offseason to-do list: Figure out whether Mark Reynolds is a first baseman or a third baseman (hint: he's a first baseman), then fill the vacant corner slot accordingly ... Call in an outside consultancy, like McKinsey & Co. or The Maddux Bros. LLC, to figure out why the organization is incapable of developing a starting pitcher. I'm actually serious about that one ... Design a uniform patch to commemorate the inevitable 15th consecutive losing season. Odds of achieving Cardinals-like glory in 2012: Nil.
09/28/2011	22	25
What went right: They developed a player! They did! Three cheers for Matt Wieters and his pitcher-whispering ways! ... They shut up shop in late July but, improbably, reopened for business during a stretch of games against contenders in September. Some kind of implied threat must've been involved ("It'd sure be a shame if anything happened to Mister Swimmy The Goldfish, wouldn't it?")... Which leads us into the grand finale of our countdown of The Top 8 Positive Things Oriole Fans Can Take Away From The 2011 Campaign, which was a far better bit when the Orioles were mailing it in. So without the scheduled surprise appearance by the USC Marching Band, your winner is: It ended on time! Huzzah! What went wrong: Brian Roberts' bell may be permanently rung, so to speak, which saddens me ... Is it possible that the Orioles won't harvest a single salvageable pitcher from the Matusz/Arrieta/Tillman/Bergesen crop? If so, a top-to-bottom organizational investigation won't suffice; we're going to have to get Congress involved ... With Andy MacPhail out of the way, Buck Showalter can finally run an organization as he sees fit. Get ready for high-strung hysterics, O's fans. No socks will droop on his watch, no sir. Regular-season epilogue: Yawn. Disinterested shrug. Smirk. Sigh.
09/20/2011	25	27
We need a phrase to describe what the Orioles have done during the last week or two, when they put forth an honest effort for the first time since May and, in the process, mucked up the long-shot playoff chances of the Rays and Angels. It's been one part pride-restoration campaign and one part mischief-making. It's nice to see that Buck Showalter hasn't lost his ability to motivate for two weeks at a time. ... But you're not here for any of that; you're here for our countdown of The Top 8 Positive Things Oriole Fans Can Take Away From The 2011 Campaign. Without further ado, at No. 2: The Orioles hit 179 homers and J.J. Hardy hit 28 homers and Mark Reynolds hit 34 homers and Adam Jones hit 23 homers and homers are a favorable outcome, except when you surrender them as often as Oriole pitchers do. W-O-W! Truly, we're breathing rarefied air now. Come on back next week for the grand unveiling of No. 1, as part of a variety spectacular featuring last season's fifth-place finisher on American Idol -- you know, that girl, the one with the pleasant countenance and the bazumbas -- and a special performance by Luke Scott and the Misunderstood Racist Orchestra.
09/13/2011	27	28
Brian Matusz has finally and inexorably been removed from the Oriole rotation. Let nobody say that the team lacks a basic sense of decency. ... Kevin Gregg, on the other hand, is an acquired taste, like black licorice chalk. ... OK, enough with the opening acts. We're up to number three on our countdown of The Top 8 Positive Things Oriole Fans Can Take Away From The 2011 Campaign. And your winner is. ... Not a single player in the Baltimore organization was maimed, wounded, strafed by pigeon pellets or otherwise disfigured; for the first time since 1998, the Orioles were 100 percent amputation-free. Nice work, Dr. Ripken! Come back next week for number two. Can you feel that on my arms? Goosebumps.
09/06/2011	28	27
Watching the Orioles play is like watching untreated sewage pour into a pristine pond ... OK, here's what you came for, kids. We're up to number four in our countdown of The Top 8 Positive Things Oriole Fans Can Take Away From The 2011 Campaign. Aaaannnnd at number four, it's ... a proud legacy of racial uneasiness, owing to the back-and-forth banter about guns and plantain chips between Felix Pie and the "outspoken" Luke Scott! Don't forget to come back next week, because while the weather might be cooling down, the countdown is heating up!
08/30/2011	27	29
They won a bunch of games, not to mention the moral high ground in their scheduling slapfight with the Yankees (who chose the day after Mike Flanagan's tragic death to whine about the hurricane and its effect on the five-game N.Y./Baltimore series -- classy!) ... All right, we're up to No. 5 in our countdown of The Top 8 Positive Things Oriole Fans Can Take Away From the 2011 Campaign. Exciting! Myrna, hand me the envelope ... No. 5: The oceans of empty seats at Camden Yards have allowed ushers and vendors to spend more time with the few regulars in their sections, to sit down and rap with them about what's on their minds and really get into some deep, meaningful, important stuff. You think Cousin Brewski has that kind of relationship with his charges at Yankee Stadium? As IF!
08/23/2011	29	29
The current 10-game road trip has been every bit the march of despair that one might have expected, complete with jarring late-game losses. On Friday, they arrive home for a five-game series against the Yankees, during which enemy fans will swarm their bleachers and drain their microbrews. Forget what the celebrities tell you, kids: It doesn't get better. ... We're up to No. 6 in our countdown of The Top 8 Positive Things Oriole Fans Can Take Away From The 2011 Campaign. The envelope, please. ... They've eliminated "outspend the opposition," "pitching and defense," "young on the hill, old at the plate," "just run, baby," and "get lots of good players and hope they play good" as organizational philosophies, which frees the franchise's deep thinkers -- les fils Angelos -- to indulge their creative whims. So you can expect the Orioles to exploit inefficiencies in the pinch-defense market come December, which should lead to loads of successfully smothered late-inning grounders. Envy much, Yankee fans? You will. Oh, you will.
08/16/2011	29	28
Cal Ripken Jr. has dignity and credibility to spare -- he just donated some, in fact, to Luke Scott -- but it would be foolish to stick him in charge of Baltimore's baseball operations and expect immediate results. He's an athlete, not a franchise architect. These are two entirely different jobs ... We're up to No. 7 in our countdown of The Top 8 Positive Things Orioles Fans Can Take Away From The 2011 Campaign. Drum roll, please: By harnessing the energy generated by the ferocious swings-and-misses of Mark Reynolds and Chris Davis, the Orioles will be able to reduce their reliance on foreign oil by the start of 2015. The Yankees can't say that.
08/09/2011	28	28
Not sure where else to file this fun facto-blurboid, so I'll stick it here: The AL East shelters nearly as many over-.500 teams (4) as does the entire National League (6); the Orioles are, of course, the fifth ... Orioles fans want this season to be over as badly as people required to write a few dopey words about the team do, so starting this week we'll count down the Top 8 Positive Things Oriole Fans Can Take Away From The 2011 Campaign (why eight? Eight columns left). Coming in at No. 8: The struggles of Britton, Matusz, Arrieta, Tillman and Bergesen have made the Indians and Giants feel much better about trading away their own can't-miss pitching prospects. Come back next Tuesday for more Oriole mirth.