Chicago Cubs

Power Rankings

Date	Ranking	Previous
01/26/2012	24	26
Good business: The newly Theoriffic front office exorcised the Zambrano demon and made a few hey-why-the-hell-not upside plays (Ian Stewart, Travis Wood, David DeJesus, Anthony Rizzo). Bad business: Why is Matt Garza still a Cub? This offseason, lesser starters were moved for packages the Cubs should've jumped at -- uh, assuming they were offered. In the wake of the News Corp. thing, I haven't hacked any voice mailboxes in a while. Prognosis as of 11:14 a.m. GMT on Jan. 26, 2012: For the first time in a while, they're not the biggest disaster in town.
10/31/2011	26	26
2011 eulogy: Once again, they led the majors in not giving a crap. Offseason to-do list: Resist the temptation to splurge on either Prince Fielder or Albert Pujols. Spending shouldn't be ramped up until after the organizational enema has been executed ... Swallow the Carlos Zambrano contract, offer Alfonso Soriano and a goodly chunk of the money left on his deal to a DH-desperate AL team, and see if some other organization is willing to attempt to educate Carlos Marmol in the Tao of the strike zone. Odds of achieving Cardinals-like glory in 2012: At least responsible adults versed in futuristic concepts like "on-base percentage" are in charge now.
09/28/2011	26	26
What went right: The Wrigley ivy survived a mealybug infestation ... Carlos Zambrano not only respected the terms of his restraining order, but also made progress in his court-ordered anger-management classes. Why, the other day he let the undertrained McDonald's cashier off with a stern fist-shake ... Jeff Samardzija proved useful in something other than Surname Scrabble ... Starlin Castro got a lot of hits and stuff. What went wrong: Jim Hendry's just-not-in-the-mood approach to deadline trades left the Cubs bloated and directionless. Again. ... Carlos Marmol's mechanics started to look like something out of an interpretive dance workshop ... Darwin Barney's lack of ability killed the obvious comparisons with Dustin Pedroia and forced us to dig for a more appropriate analogue. Maybe a slower, gentler Pat Listach? Regular-season epilogue: Blow it up. Blow it the eff up.
09/20/2011	26	26
On Friday night, they lost a game in the 12th inning on a blown call. Nobody noticed, or cared.
09/13/2011	26	26
It appears that they're conducting their GM search through the newspapers, with prospective candidates floated for public consumption one by one. The over/under on number of Theo Epstein mentions in the Chicago Tribune during the next 10 weeks has been set at 175. ... Before I went to my first game at Wrigley, a Chicago-hardened relative told me, "Whatever you do, don't forget to have an Old Style in the bleachers." And so I did, and spent the next morning acquainting myself with the ceramic fixtures in my hotel bathroom. So forgive me for not celebrating the settlement of the Old Style/Cubs spat that threatened to bestow favorite-son status on another brewer. ... Just as the Cubs should aspire to better players and management, so too should they aspire to better beer. Dream big or go home, Mr. Ricketts.
09/06/2011	26	24
Great move, giving player personnel VP Oneri Fleita a contract extension. I mean, this developmental system has been spitting out Darwin Barney-caliber studs left and right. Having a star of Fleita's supreme luster in place can only help in the GM/savior hunt ... Starlin Castro is on pace to clear the 200-hit hurdle. If he gets there, he'd be, like, the sixth- or seventh-youngest player to do it. So there's something for Cub fans to plan their afternoons around.
08/30/2011	24	20
After last week's benching for ... "defensive loitering" kind of describes it, I suppose ... Starlin Castro roared back with focus that matched his physical gifts. Why, he even refrained from checking his cell while stationed on first base ... There's a lot of talk about how the Cubs need to bring in a veteran mentor to make sure Castro's attentiveness doesn't stray. I've winnowed down the list of candidates to Mike Cameron, Tony Dungy and Helen Mirren. My work here is done.
08/23/2011	20	23
What does the Jim Hendry firing mean for the Cubs, you ask? It means either that they'll suck for two more years while the new regime digs out from the wreckage perpetrated by this one, or that they'll suck for four more years if the new regime attempts to make a go of it with the current crumbs. ... While we're on the topic, here's my list of candidates for the GM gig: 1. Smart GM currently working for happy big-money franchise. 2. Smart GM currently toiling in mid-market purgatory. 3. Smart GM under the thumb of a petty, parsimonious owner. 4. The dude fired by the D-backs last year. 5. Witty, studied baseball writer who can FIP with the best of 'em. 2,724. Jim Bowden. ... The cruel irony is that the Cubs have played solid ball for nearly an entire month now, but nobody has noticed due to the Hendry, Zambrano and Wrigley-trough-urinal flare-ups. That's a shame. Mike Quade deserves a better fate than the one that will befall him come October.
08/16/2011	23	26
They finally start playing with some small amount of pride -- 14 wins in their past 18 at last count -- and then, only then, does Carlos Zambrano pull one of his patented "if I'm going down, everybody's coming with me" stunts. If those crazy McCourt kids can figure out a way to legally and romantically disentangle themselves, surely a Cubs-Zambrano divorce can be arranged ... At some point, Cubbie fans will soften a little and remember that Zambrano didn't flush their hopes, dreams and aspirations down the latrine like Mark Prior and Kerry Wood did. But it's gonna take a while.
08/09/2011	26	29
Break up the Cubs! Forget everything I've said in recent weeks about this being a "grandma-weak" franchise with "miraculously bad" players and fans who "ping-pong between self-pity and delusion." They won seven in a row!!! Gimme a C! Gimme a U! Gimme a B! Gimme an S! What does that spell? CUBS! Darn effin' right it does!