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POWER RANKINGS
Power Rankings
Date
Ranking
Previous
07/07/2009
17
17
I'd like to elevate them, but I don't know who you bump down ... They're generating something akin to momentum, with a sorta-impressive series win over Milwaukee and Aramis Ramirez returning to the lineup a mere two months after he trashed my keeper-league roto team ... Is Rich Harden healthy? Does it matter? His strikeouts are way down and his home run rates are up. Expect a bogus DL stint attributed to something like "just can't get crap together" or "strained patellar trapezoid" before too long.
06/30/2009
17
15
Derrek Lee: Not dead yet ... After last week's revelation that he tested positive for the wacky-tobacky during the World Baseball Classic, Geovany Soto described it as "an isolated incident." Since that excuse seemed to fly (granted, it was spouted in a week where we were distracted by celebrity fatalities), I have a feeling that many subsequent positive tests are going to be dismissed as such. "Totally an isolated incident, dude," etc.
06/23/2009
15
17
Comebacks! Yay! They're the Little $135,050,000 Engine That Could ... Really, they're acting a little too pleased with themselves for a team that's underperformed in so many ways, and one that can almost completely attribute its current hot streak to opponent pratfalls ... Alfonso Soriano has looked like he's swinging in molasses in recent weeks. Given that he's always fielded as if blindfolded, we could be witnessing the next Andruw Jones-ish cliff dive here.
06/16/2009
17
13
I don't care what Alfonso Soriano has done in the past as a leadoff hitter. Lou Piniella's decision to leave him and his .296 OBP atop the lineup right now is an act of willful, self-defeating negligence. Season-ticket holders oughta be on the phone with class-action lawyers ... Despite the huge numbers they put up in '08, the Cubs made hitting coach Gerald Perry the fall guy for the team's sluggishness at the plate. I think I speak for every fan of a certain age when I say: Somebody paid Gerald Perry to serve as a hitting coach? I remember him as a guy who swung at everything and lacked pop. He must be one hell of a motivator.
06/09/2009
13
14
They're flying beneath the radar, playing much better but not well enough to elicit any "they're back!" rhapsodies. ... Carlos Marmol issued an unintentional four-pitch walk to Jeff Francoeur. On the sliding scale of baseball impossibility, that ranks somewhere between a perfect game and back-to-back-to-back-to-back triples. Let's remember this the next time Kevin Gregg blows a save: Marmol's tendency to walk the first batter he faces is not something that would play well in the anointed-closer role.
06/02/2009
14
16
At some point, you have to at least consider playing Jake Fox regularly, possibly even ahead of the free-falling Derrek Lee. Don't you? ... In a tantrum-off between Carlos Zambrano and Lou Piniella, I'm going with the salty old skipper. Zambrano may be able to knock a water cooler into next week, but Piniella strings expletives together with the flow and precision of an elite rapper. Put this on in prime time and it'll net better ratings than the Stanley Cup Finals.
05/26/2009
16
5
Lou Piniella is going to explode any minute now ... When any other player yells "the umps are out to get me!," you simply increase the Thorazine by 20 mg. and call it an afternoon. When Milton Bradley does so, you have Navy SEALs escort the umps to the bases and position snipers atop the Jumbotron ... There are people openly speculating that the Cubs should promote 19-year-old third baseman Josh Vitters, a touted draft pick currently instilling the fear of God in single-A pitchers, straight up to the majors. There is a word that aptly describes such people, and it is "stupid" ... "Alfonso Soriano to second base" will sound like a terrific idea up until the moment he attempts to turn a double play and blows out five knees in the process.
05/19/2009
5
7
I'm not a fan of Lou Piniella's bristle-and-grunt act, but he's doing a hell of a job holding this team together as the players fall apart physically and the bullpen dances along a tightrope. ... Returning from the DL to face the Padres, as Carlos Zambrano will do on Friday, is the very definition of a soft landing. ... If Ryan Theriot isn't pleased with speculation about the source of his newfound power, let him pee in a cup every Sunday during the pregame show. Chances are some gonzo marketer would fall over itself to sponsor the segment. Urinalysis = ratings.
05/12/2009
7
8
The Cubs' month, in exactly seven words: "injuries injuries injuries injuries injuries injuries injuries" ... I suppose the Mike Fontenot fanboys (raising hand) will finally find out if he's more than a righty-mashing defensive brute ... The bullpen has handed out 64 walks in 90 innings. "Making things worse" is generally not part of that job description, so expect a cosmetic overhaul (one interchangeable arm for another) before too long.
05/05/2009
8
10
I enjoy watching Carlos Zambrano wield the bat like a big-boy hitter as much as the hardiest Cubs fan, but he's built less for attempting to beat out a bunt than for inhaling calzones by the armful. Viewed in this context, his hamstring injury was all kinds of predictable ... I'm almost positive that, at some point in the not-too-distant past, Carlos Marmol used to throw strikes ... The schedule gets puffy and welcoming before the week is out, with eight of the team's next 12 against the Astros and Padres.
Preseason Power Rankings
Date
Ranking
Previous
02/16/2009
5
-
Put down the goat poison and repeat after me: Last season was not a failure. One very bad week does not negate six very good months. ... Nobody in their division is close; they'll clinch by Sept. 15. ... Derrek Lee and Alfonso Soriano have been tagged as two of baseball's primo age-related-regression candidates, but each should have one more fine season left in him. ... I'm out of the prediction business when it comes to the flighty, intense Milton Bradley. He could replicate his 2008 run at the MVP. He could commit felonious assault on a peanut vendor. He could disappear into the Wrigley ivy and never be heard from again. Your guess is as good as mine.
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