Cincinnati Reds

Power Rankings

Date	Ranking	Previous
01/26/2012	9	20
Good business: Yay for patience! The Reds gave up a bunch for Mat Latos, but not as much as the Nats did for Gio Gonzalez, an inferior pitcher. Plus they alone timed the closer market just right, getting Ryan Madson on the team-friendliest deal in the history of Scott Boras clients. Bad business: They appear to be the only team in baseball that views Ryan Ludwick as something other than bench effluvia. Prognosis as of 11:14 a.m. GMT on Jan. 26, 2012: Could this team manage itself? I would feel better about its chances if it could.
10/31/2011	20	18
2011 eulogy: They were the Dustiest of Dusty Baker teams: bunts and intentional walks aplenty, chaos-theory batting orders, etc. Offseason to-do list: Get Aroldis Chapman rotation-ready. In most other organizations, this would be a no-duh action item. But in Cincinnati, who knows? ... Prep the graceless Yonder Alonso for another run at the left-field gig by having him take ballet and elocution lessons -- you know, the full My Fair Lady ... Entertain the possibility of dealing Joey Votto for a millisecond, then decide not to mutilate self just for the hell of it. Odds of achieving Cardinals-like glory in 2012: On talent alone, absolutely. On day-to-day management, I dunno.
09/28/2011	18	16
What went right: Joey Votto followed up his MVP campaign with an MVP-ish campaign. Alas, the voters can't get past the "-ish" ... Brandon Phillips posted his best-ever OBP and refrained from shanking Yadier Molina during each of the Reds' five series against the Cardinals. I believe this is what we call "maturity." What went wrong: Dusty committed his usual crimes against common sense -- bunts, willful ignorance of the importance of OBP atop the batting order, etc. -- but let's not let the front office off the hook. Many of the team's tradable assets have been devalued by half. Yonder Alonso went into the 2011 season as a should-be cleanup hitter; he came out of it as a dizzy cocktail waitress ... Bronson Arroyo's K rate slipped and he served up 46 dingers. Good thing the Reds had the foresight to lock him up through 2013, which will be his age-36 season. Regular-season epilogue: Pppppphhhhhltttttppphhhttlttttttttttttt.
09/20/2011	16	14
Back-to-back two-hit games against the Brewers over the weekend? Way to mail it in. I bet they even printed the postage from a home computer. ... The Reds have finally acknowledged what we've known all along: that Yonder Alonso is a blimpoid whose mobility is limited by his double-wide torso. As part of a weight-loss regimen, he'll be consigned to a sauna for most of the offseason. If you feel the need to encourage him, send bathrobes.
09/13/2011	14	13
Nobody said Yonder Alonso couldn't hit. The problem remains that the National League has stubbornly resisted the addition of a designated not-fielder to the everyday lineup, which -- at least on the Reds -- makes Alonso the kid without a chair when the music stops. Asking him to man third base is like asking the cat to open its own tin of grub; watching him stumble around left field is like watching a vertigo sufferer play Pin The Tail On The Donkey. ... A press release informs me that Joe Morgan has been chosen to lead the annual World's Largest Chicken Dance at Oktoberfest ceremonies on Fountain Square this Saturday. I thought you should know.
09/06/2011	13	11
That series against the Phillies was as harsh a reality check as has been issued during the 2011 season ... As punishment for misdeeds involving modifier misplacement, I was assigned to cover Reds/Cubs on Monday afternoon. It lived up to its advance billing -- at least when it came to the Reds, who saw Drew Stubbs doubled off after losing track of the number of outs and didn't seem to mind when a Cubs baserunner missed home plate. Yessir, Dusty's got his boys ready to play ... At least they've elevated catcher-of-the-really-immediate-future-like-next-week-immediate Devin Mesoraco, which frees Ramon Hernandez to work on his resume and Ryan Hanigan to start acting like the future manager many expect him to be ("say, Brandon, can you pick up those bats? Thanks!"). There's your news hook for the season's final weeks.
08/30/2011	11	13
Can I just put "pass" for numbers 11-14 in the rankings? No team is truly tween-worthy in a rankings sense ... On any other team, it would be confusing that veterans like Miguel Cairo and Fred Lewis continue to receive at-bats, and that catcher-of-the-immediate-future Devin Mesoraco has been left to marinate down in Triple-A. But then you remember who's in charge here, and simply wash your hands of the situation ... Speaking of Cairo, they had him pinch-run for Yonder Alonso, who's 24, the other day. That tells you everything you need to know about Alonso's athleticism, which combines the lightning-fast reflexes of a sea cow with the predatory instincts of a geriatric, incontinent puma. Trade him soon, before the rest of the league gets wise to this.
08/23/2011	13	16
Despite the waterlogged play, I can't bring myself to rank them below the second-tier titans of the AL Central. I'm a realist, though, so the "they're good -- they just don't play that way all the time" line of thought doesn't satisfy… Dusty Baker? More like "Dusty BAD-DECISION-MAKER"! Am I right? Am I right? ... I enjoy learning about Brandon Phillips' physical and mental state via his Twitter feed, because there's no better way to understand an individual's true essence than in casually misspelled 140-character bursts. I wonder how management feels about it, though, as some front offices would no sooner have players relay injury dispatches than share clubhouse secrets ("Hanigan is TOTES crushing on Miley!"). Gotta love social media.
08/16/2011	16	15
The Reds won't make the playoffs, but their league lead in self-sabotage seems untouchable. To the list of wasted assets we can now add Yonder Alonso -- who, after a year-long minor-league apprenticeship in left field, was deemed unfit for left-field duty in the bigs after a whopping three games. This makes sense how? Give the guy a real shot out there, or don't ... For all our funny-making at Miguel Cairo's expense, his slugging percentage after nearly 220 plate appearances this season sits at .432, which trumps the SLG of any number of big-name infielders: Jeter, Rollins, several more. Hell, Cairo is only a double-dinger day behind Evan Longoria (.456). Sometimes, the world doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
08/09/2011	15	16
The only justification for ranking the Reds this high: Their run-differential (plus-35 through Sunday) is superior to the Brewers' mark (plus-26) and those of the other frustrating mediocre crapbag teams. In a pythagamatastic world, the Reds would be playoff contenders. In the real one, they're just taking up space ... Yonder Alonso, he of the uncertain defensive bent, fancies himself a third baseman. I fancy myself a sophisticated wordsmith. Both of us could use a few whacks with the reality paddle.