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POWER RANKINGS
Power Rankings
Date
Ranking
Previous
07/07/2009
20
23
When Roy Oswalt gets on a streak like his current one -- a 1.17 ERA in his last three starts, with 12 hits allowed and 22 strikeouts in 23 innings -- just get out of the way and enjoy the artistry ... God didn't want to see the Astros and Padres play on Thursday night, either, as witnessed by the plague of bees He/She delivered upon them ... Regardless of my opinion about the irresponsible way the Astros are run, they're basically a .500 team right now. Consider this, then, a begrudging delivery of respect. They're more fun to watch than most of the teams on this list. That counts for something, I guess.
06/30/2009
23
24
They have marginal players and a manager who seems confused on his best day, yet they're only four games out of first place. What does that say about the NL Central? What does that say about us as a society?
06/23/2009
24
24
Judging by recent notices, the Astros' skipper has legally changed his name to "The Embattled Cecil Cooper." He's already lost the clubhouse and the fans have gotten wise to the fact that he's ... not wise. And now he's picking petty fights with the reporters who cover the team? He must have the survival instincts of a lobotomized squirrel.
06/16/2009
24
24
Allow me to play sexy baseball matchmaker and suggest a deal in which Miguel Tejada goes to St. Louis for prospects. You like? ... Russ Ortiz has somehow managed to throw nearly 18 innings in a row without allowing a run. The odds of that streak surviving Tuesday night's encounter with the Rangers are Lohan-slim ... That Michael Bourn catch on Thursday night, when he ran fence-ward at full speed and snared a gapper as he ascended Tal's Hill in deep center field, was one of the season's best. Sure, what made it great was the architectural abomination that's eventually going to result in a spinal injury, but until that day let's keep describing it as "delightfully quirky."
06/09/2009
24
27
What the hell has happened to Wandy Rodriguez over his last few starts? This column is a lesser entity if I'm unable to make monstrously clever puns about his name ("Magic Wand-y," "Wand-erful Tonight," etc.). ... Whatever the team's numerous other failings, you can't blame the hitters for the schizo play. Miguel Tejada is a tough out for the first time in a while -- isn't it curious how his resurgence happens to have coincided with a contract year? -- and Hunter Pence, shorn of the 2007 hype, has become a well-rounded threat.
06/02/2009
27
26
I have nothing to say about the Astros. They're as depressing to analyze as they are to watch.
05/26/2009
26
21
Nobody could win with this pitching-poor collection of retreads, but Cecil Cooper sure doesn't help his case by strategizing his way into a corner and communicating via silent sulk ... Disciplined teams tend not to bat out of order, as the 'Stros did last week ... Ain't that always the way: Lance Berkman is heating up just as the rest of his teammates are cooling down (from lukewarm to icy).
05/19/2009
21
23
The mini-sorta-surge toward .500 is inspirational in the best sickly-orphan-overcomes-adversity sense of the word, but if I'm an Astros fan I'm still rooting for them to tank in 2009 and get the long-needed retooling effort under way. ... All together now, with no apologies whatsoever to top-of-mind superstar Barry Manilow: "Oh Wandy/Well you came and you threw without breaking/You're our new special ace/Oh Wandy/Fertile groupies are yours for the taking/Mind their perfume and lace/Oh Wandy."
05/12/2009
23
26
They're surging up the chart on the wings of a Wandy ... What, precisely, is a lifelong starter like Russ Ortiz going to do in the bullpen? Chores? Bookkeeping? Impersonations? ... Michael Bourn is getting on base, hitting some balls into the gap and stealing bases with unusual discretion. In short, he's doing many things that we do not commonly associate with Michael Bourn.
05/05/2009
26
27
Lance Berkman batted .171 last September and .162 in April. Perhaps, at age 33, he ought to reconsider his donuts-and-seasoned-beef diet ... Random prediction: Felipe Paulino will settle in before too long as the shutdown middle-relief guy the Astros so desperately need. If he can fill the cavernous void between the team's five-innings-then-nap starters and the functional end-of-game Hawkins/Valverde tandem, the Astros could well be a 72-win team this year ... That's right, Astros fans: I'm upgrading your team's outlook from 69 to 72 wins based on two half-OK starts from a guy who hasn't proven he can stay healthy for more than six hours at a time. I sure am.
Preseason Power Rankings
Date
Ranking
Previous
02/16/2009
29
-
Cecil Cooper will be the first manager to bite the dust, a casualty of the high-salary, low-functioning roster handed to him. ... In case you haven't noticed, the Astros plan on giving significant time to bench effluvia like Geoff Blum, J.R. Towles and Michael Bourn. Their rotation lacks legit third, fourth and fifth starters; the bullpen features a scattershot closer and a bunch of middle-relief retreads. ... There's front-line talent here -- Berkman, Oswalt, Pence, Lee -- but not enough to compensate for the dreck occupying roster spots 9 through 25.
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