Location: Milwaukee, Wis. | Ballpark: Miller Park (41,900) | Owner: Mark Attanasio | Spring Training: Phoenix, Ariz.
GM: Doug Melvin | Manager: Ken Macha | World Championships: 0
Season in seven words: "It is difficult to win without pitching." ... Hero: Prince Fielder (.299/.412/.602) answered every question one might've had, even the ones about his attitude and half-assed veganism ... Loserhead: GM Doug Melvin kept saying, "Relax, y'all, there'll be a pitcher in that thar dugout just lickety-split." Well, he would have said that if he spoke in hayseed slang. Either way, he sent the Brewers into battle unarmed ... Key need: Pitching pitching pitching, and the just-announced Trevor Hoffman re-up doesn't count. No matter how rosy his numbers looked in 2009, Hoffman is an accident waiting to happen at age 42 ... Prognosis: They can't get a pitcher without trading a hitter like Fielder; they can't trade a hitter like Fielder without gutting their offense. I believe this is referred to as a catch-22.
09/29/2009
18
17
I'm out of ways to lazily dismiss teams about whom there's nothing interesting to write. I've done the "oh, they're still playing?" thing and I've done the one-word commentaries ("meh," "repent!"). So I'll just opine that Claudio Vargas might make a fine eighth-inning reliever someday, and go on my merry little uninterested way.
09/22/2009
17
18
Playing J.J. Hardy is just as likely to reduce his trade value as he is to improve it. I know the Brewers are only showcasing him for a deal, but they oughta be aware of the consequences. ... At least they had the good sense to shut down Yovani Gallardo, who took a few steps down that harrowing road to acedom in 2009. Up next for Yo-G: streamlining his per-batter pitch counts. I believe.
09/15/2009
18
20
I loved that Prince Fielder home-run celebration, in which the Brewers hit the deck en masse as soon as Fielder touched the plate. Amid the drawn-out steroid banter (note: nobody cares) and the tyranny of the game's unwritten rules ("if a runner doesn't perambulate with great vigor to the next base after a balk, the opposing team shall retaliate by strafing the next hitter with a harpoon"), let's not forget that baseball is supposed to be fun. ... Jeff Suppan would make an ideal pitcher in next July's home run derby -– throwing his regular repertoire, that is, rather than batting-practice meatballs.
09/08/2009
20
16
I refuse to comment on any entity, sporting or otherwise, that employs Corey Patterson in even a vaguely baseball-related capacity. I'm sorry. I have to draw the line somewhere.
09/01/2009
16
19
Calling Jason Kendall a festering corpse isn't fair to the recently deceased. ... It is well established that the Brewers can beat the Pirates at home, as they've done so 21 consecutive times. For their next trick, I'd like to see them increase the level of difficulty tenfold -– say, by allowing fewer than five runs in a single game. Shoot for the stars, kids. ... The Brewers have only three games left against sub-.500 teams this season. At some point, it's going to dawn on the fan faithful that a second straight playoff run is not in the offing. When it does, I hope somebody will be there to point and snicker.
08/25/2009
19
21
Not sure why the Brewers haven't waived the white flag yet. They're way back in both the division and wild-card derbies, plus they don't have the pitching to sustain a single turn in the rotation, much less a stretch drive. They might as well see which of their players pass through waivers and hope they can pick up a prospect or two for their trouble. ... The reason for my reverse-optimism: the schedule. It features only two days off, plus nine games against the Cardinals, seven against the Cubs, four against the Phillies and three against both the Giants and Rockies. Yeah. Good luck with that.
08/18/2009
21
19
Contemplating this pitching staff is like contemplating an eternity alongside Robin Williams. ... In a word, I'd describe their week as "pragmatic." The minor league shortstop was playing better than the major league one, so the team swapped 'em. Bill Hall outlived his utility as a utility guy, so he got cut. The pitchers couldn't get anybody out, so they scapegoated the pitching coach. No recriminations, no slammed doors or "I hope you're happy now!" drama –- just the way it oughta be. ... Is Trevor Hoffman still on the roster? He's been MIA this month.
08/11/2009
19
18
Calling this pitching staff a mess is an insult to oil spills, Superfund sites, Courtney Love and every other clean-up candidate that never had as deleterious an effect on our environment as Seth McClung and Carlos Villanueva have ... They've gotta be praying that somebody claims J.J. Hardy off waivers and a deal can be consummated, as there's little reason the Alcides Escobar era shouldn't start, like, yesterday ... Prince Fielder didn't charge into the Dodgers clubhouse because he was piqued at Guillermo Mota, but rather because he'd heard the team had just taken a platter of broccoli canapés out of the oven. See, that joke might've been half-funny if 1,800 people hadn't already made it last week. Lousy Tuesday-morning deadlines.
08/04/2009
18
20
In 14 games against the Pirates, Reds, Nationals and Padres over the last half-month, they went 6-8. Good night! Thanks for playing! ... I can't fault the team for its trade-deadline inactivity, though. In retrospect, the Brewers blew their prospect load last year on CC Sabathia. As a mid-market franchise that hoards food stamps and nests atop subway grates, that's not the kind of deal they can afford every season ... It took an emergency Corey Hart appendectomy to get Bill Hall and his blind-kamikaze approach to plate discipline back in the lineup. I'm gonna go way out on a limb and downplay the Wally Pipp potential here.
Preseason Power Rankings
Date
Ranking
Previous
02/16/2009
12
-
The starting pitching looks more workable than inspiring, but they'll score a whole lotta runs. ... With some work -- OK, lots of work -- Prince Fielder could still evolve into a five-category guy, adding defense to patience, average, power and tofu cheeseburgers. ... Now that he's been evicted from Petco's spacious confines, I fear for poor Trevor Hoffman's well-being. ... My prediction for Rickie Weeks in '09: big things. Meanwhile, this is the kind of milestone that all too often goes unnoticed in this line of work, so I'd like to congratulate myself on five consecutive years of unsuccessful "Rickie Weeks: big things" prognostication.
