Seattle Mariners

Power Rankings

Date	Ranking	Previous
01/26/2012	22	25
Good business: That "challenge deal" with the Yankees looks nice for the M's. Jesus Montero is a catcher like a unicycle is a unicorn, but he'll anchor the Mariners' order for the next decade. Plus Hector Noesi is more than capable of occupying a low-rotation spot until the next wave of kids is good to go. Bad business: You can't accumulate the cash to own a major-league team without crossing paths with a few unsavory characters, and yet Chone Figgins still hasn't been disappeared or convinced to pursue another vocation. Prognosis as of 11:14 a.m. GMT on Jan. 26, 2012: Less depressing than they were in 2010 and 2011, but hardly a happy rainbow of mirth and whimsy.
10/31/2011	25	27
2011 eulogy: Runs are the determining factor in who wins a baseball game. It is difficult to win without scoring runs on a regular basis. Offseason to-do list: Locate individuals who can find their way to first base or otherwise make contact with pitched balls ("hitters"), regardless of whether they can field, run or communicate interpersonally ... Entice Brandon League's trade suitors by rebranding him as "the thinking man's Drew Storen" ... Deny Chone Figgins' existence, in the hope that he'll take the hint. Odds of achieving Cardinals-like glory in 2012: Four years ago, in the post-World-Series Mariners blurb, I wrote, "Felix is good. He's not that good." So yeah, that again.
09/28/2011	27	27
What went right: Felix Hernandez remains in possession of four functional limbs. According to deeds filed with the county clerk's office, he hasn't recently sold any of his property holdings in the area ... Dustin Ackley's arrival jumped the number of competent pro bats on the Mariner roster to one ... Michael Pineda proved as metaphorically tall on the mound as he is physically tall off it. And on it, too, actually. You know what I mean. What went wrong: Chone Figgins totally didn't take the hint ... Father Time finally pierced Ichiro's veneer. Regular-season epilogue: Good pitching, no hitting, blah blah blah.
09/20/2011	27	28
I was impressed to learn that they'd broken the franchise strikeout record (1,187) with 10 games to go in the season. I was somewhat less impressed to learn that it was strikeouts by their batters, not their pitchers. ... Somebody should introduce Eric Wedge to the sophisticated 21st-century concept of "statistics." It'd sure be helpful for him to understand why, say, Miguel Olivo tends to perform better against pitchers of a certain specific type of handedness. ... I'll end with a plea to our friends in Hollywood: Please, whatever you do, resist the temptation make a bioflick about Steve Delabar, who cracked the Mariners' roster less than six months after he was out of baseball and working as a substitute teacher. We don't want to hear his against-the-odds ballad. We don't want to watch scenes of his fastball lighting up a yard-sale radar gun. We don't want to endure dramatized versions of his arguments with his pretty but not too pretty wife ("The bank is threatening to take the house! It's baseball or it's me! And I never learned how to read!!!"), especially since Rachel Bilson is too young and curvy to move into mom/matron roles. Thank you.
09/13/2011	28	27
Let's answer some reader mail: "@LarryDobrow, I would like to hear some serious ideas as to how the Mariners can improve. Especially the offense. Please and thank you." Whoa, did someone just use "please" AND "thank you" on the Internet? I'm not used to being addressed with such basic human decency, so excuse me if I sob joyous tears while answering. ... Other than to say "don't trade any of it," I don't need to address the system's glut of young pitching. Even accounting for some injuries along the way, a potential rotation of Felix/Pineda/Danny Hultzen/Taijuan Walker/James Paxton projects as quite awesome. So that leaves the other side of the ball ... or dugout, or whatever. Given the challenges posed by funding, building and testing a time machine, the Mariners can't go back in time to early June and draft Bubba Starling. And while pure hitters may exist, they tend to develop slowly, which rules out a quick fix in next year's draft. So my number one action-list item for the Mariners is a hitting coach who can solve the mystery of why every hitter in the organization, even the ones who used to get on base, now feels compelled to swing early and often. ... That's nowhere near as specific an answer as the question merits. Sorry. I'll think it over more for next week -- maybe that time-machine concept isn't as impractical as it sounds.
09/06/2011	27	26
That contract extension for Jack "Typo" Zduriencik? I dunno. He blew millions on Chone Figgins; traded for a dude with some serious character questions and then claimed not to be aware of them; and proved either incapable or unwilling to assemble a competent offensive cast. And it's not like the farm system is barfing up prospects, like the Tampa and Toronto and Kansas City systems are. Thus I can only conclude that Zduriencik's extension was prompted either by blackmail or some kind of involuntary intoxication, likely involving roofies. That's not libelous, right? Oh. Crap.
08/30/2011	26	24
This season, the Mariners have had the good fortune to be stationed in Cleveland during a snow mini-storm, torrential rain squalls and an earthquake. Expect them to add a non-denominational clergyman to the 40-man roster before their next trip to town ... If you're a Mariners fan, you obviously can't be happy about the sad turn this season has taken. But unlike many of the other washouts, at least they're giving the kids a long look. They've regularly played up to eight rookies of varying ability per game, which is kind of a lot. Developmentally, they've got sunshine on a partly cloudy day. The future's so bright, they gotta wear SPF 4 sun block.
08/23/2011	24	22
Wow, now we've got dueling rookie-of-the-year bandwagons, with the Michael Pineda crew fending off a late charge from the Dustin Ackley one. And who's that a few lengths back, with a necklace of Justin Smoak's nasal-bone fragments strung around his neck for good luck? Why, it's consecutive-games hitting sensation Mike Carp! ... Did something interesting happen between the Mariners and Indians the last time they played? My notes suggest that there's something I should call attention to, but the only eventful thing about their last series was the rain. Maybe I was planning to commend the Mariners for their generosity in building the Indians into the third-place juggernaut they are today, courtesy of the 2006 giveaway trades of Asdrubal Cabrera and Shin-Soo Choo? Eh. That works.
08/16/2011	22	27
Hey, they won two of three from the Red Sox. What did your subprime team do this week that merits a similar ascent up the rankings ladder?... They went 9-9 this season against the Phillies, Red Sox and Yankees, but 3-10 against the Orioles, Royals and Nationals. What this tells us, I think, is that bad teams sometimes beat good ones and that other bad teams sometimes lose to slightly less bad ones. Feel free to add that nuggety morsel of wisdom to your great glowing binder of baseball lore.
08/09/2011	27	27
That Brendan Ryan baserunning adventure -- he legged out an infield single, then took second and third when the A's didn't bother covering the bags -- will go down as the non-Pineda-related highlight of the Seattle season. Of course, it will also birth a Brendan Ryan mythology, in which he'll be reinvented as a savvy risk-taker who "just gets it done." Nonetheless, it's more blessing than curse, and one of the few clips your non-baseball-interested wife/husband/partner/plush toy will get a kick out of ... Trayvon Robinson is already manning an outfield post for the Mariners. In related news, Juan Rivera started in left field for the Dodgers on Sunday. Looks like Jack Z. got one right. Who'da thunk?