San Francisco Giants

Power Rankings

Date	Ranking	Previous
01/26/2012	15	17
Good business: They didn't extend Barry Zito's contract or re-up Aaron Rowand. Bad business: As is Brian Sabean's wont, he bought high on the fantastically average Melky Cabrera. Prognosis as of 11:14 a.m. GMT on Jan. 26, 2012: Great pitching, no hitting or defense, blah blah blah. I'm as tired of writing it as you are of reading it. Maybe I'll fill the Giants' Power Rankings real estate this season with non-baseball musings -- recipes, book reviews, that kind of thing.
10/31/2011	17	14
2011 eulogy: Bad defense and ghastly hitting trumps good pitching. Offseason to-do list: Stop signing and trading for fat inflexible retreads who can't catch the ball. It's time to get athletic, especially in center field ... Add a righty bat with power -- a real righty bat with power, not a next-generation Pat Burrell ... Find some libertarian judge willing to invalidate Brian Wilson's marketing deal with Taco Bell on the grounds that the commercials make him look like a tool. Odds of achieving Cardinals-like glory in 2012: As we saw in 2011, the 2010 formula -- pray for mediocre hitters to get hot at the precise right moment -- isn't replicable.
09/28/2011	14	12
What went right: Pablo Sandoval regained both his ability to hit and the 30 or so pounds he had shed. Apparently it's a both-or-none thing with this guy ... Madison Bumgarner was the best pitcher you didn't see this season, partially because most of his games started after your bedtime and partially because indecency laws restrict the widespread dissemination of any content involving Miguel Tejada, Aaron Rowand or Brandon Crawford ... I remember reading something about how a hypnotist helped a few players and/or coaches kick their chaw habit, so that's nice. What went wrong: The offense sucked eggs, independent of injuries or the home park or anything other than a series of blatant personnel missteps ... Did you watch The Franchise on Showtime? It was about, like, how the Giants were totally dealing with a lot of stuff, and they did lots of stretching exercises and played with their kids, and they had this pitcher guy named Brian Wilson, not the singer, and he had a crazy beard and said lots of crazy things, like "Ayn Rand was a fox" and "I enjoy crossword puzzles." It was totally rad. Regular-season epilogue: Brian Sabean will spend the next 10 years of his professional life pointing at the World Series flag flying high above AT&T Park. No matter how many washed-up infielders he imports, he's bulletproof.
09/20/2011	12	16
Oh, so now they’ve decided to make a run. Holy moly, Giant fans are going to be intolerable if somehow the team lives to play bonus baseball in October. Never mind that they were calling for Brian Sabean's head on a platter 10 days ago -- this is a gloat-ache waiting to happen. ... First a series of before-and-after photos seem to suggest that Pablo Sandoval is with child, then he hits for the cycle (without requiring defibrillation after the triple), then we learn that advanced defensive metrics peg him as one of the game's elite defensive third basemen. There is nothing about that last sentence that makes any sense at all. Let's just applaud his bounce-back season and call it an afternoon.
09/13/2011	16	15
OK, let's take our first cautious steps into the crowd-sourcing kiddie pool. Giant fans, in the wake of last weekend's action, I'd like you to tell me what makes your offensively uninclined heroes a better team than the Dodgers right now. Here's the catch: You must do so without using the phrases "we have a better record and wins are the currency of the kingdom" or "we are defending World Series champions and their owner is a bankrupt cuckold." ... I just hope the Giants don't shut Brian Wilson down for the season. Who would fill the spandex-tuxedo void? Who would engage reporters in spirited debate over the notion of free will? The organization's next best personality prospect (Sharlon Schoop, who once read a book about birds) has exceeded his interviews limit down in double-A. They'll never make up the charisma deficit in the standings.
09/06/2011	15	15
Nice homestand: 5-7 and only 30 runs total against the D-backs and a trio of crapoids (Padres/Cubs/Astros). Goodbye! Farewell! Aloha! Adieu! Shalom! ... It's bad enough that they continue to play Aubrey Huff, but batting him cleanup is logically and morally reprehensible ... They whacked both Tejada AND Rowand? Wow. Now the active roster is only larded with seven guys who can't hit ... I wonder what Barry Zito was doing when word of the cuts filtered into the clubhouse. Probably strolling around idly, whistling, and avoiding eye contact with any other animate being. He lives ... for now.
08/30/2011	15	16
OK, here's an impression for you. Snnnnnnnuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bbbblllllllrrrbrrrrrrrrrlllllllrrrrrrrll. Care to guess what it is? Wow, yeah, it's the Giants' offense. You got that one fast. Too easy? ... It's a small durational/chronological sample, but the Giants lost four games to the Astros in the past 11 days. This is about the point where the coroner emerges from the recesses of the room, takes a look at the patient and shakes his head somberly. I'll get back to you when I have details about the wake.
08/23/2011	16	12
Ha! Now the Giants have no other choice but to play Brandon Belt! In your face, Brian Sabean! Chew on that, Bruce Bochy! ... Giant fans are pointing to injuries as the primary culprit for the team's recent pratfall. But wait -- isn't pitching everything? Y'all were very clear about how pitching is everything, and the staff had largely been healthy until the Romo/Wilson double shot. ... Plus the Giants have lost their last six one-run games. But didn't the Giants have some special, magical ability that enabled them to succeed in such contests where other teams failed? ... It'd be a lot easier to say "this was a poorly constructed team to begin with" and call it an afternoon, rather than retrofitting the excuses.
08/16/2011	12	11
From the AP story on the Giants' 6-0 win last Tuesday night: "Host San Francisco showed some rare pop." "Rare pop"? Six runs counts as "pop"? ... If the Giants were asked to create a graphic representation of their plan for Brandon Belt's development, it would be a bunch of scribbles and splintered popsicle sticks glued together at odd angles. The plan is that there is no plan ... You would think that the Giants would be better off if they tried to hit some of their home runs with men on base. But then you remember: these are the Giants. They don't do "on base" ... Honestly, I can't believe a team this poorly managed and administered could go deep into the playoffs again. I have to keep reminding myself: Pitching, man. Pitching. Pitching carries the day.
08/09/2011	11	7
Loved the feistiness against the Phillies last week. I would've loved it even more if it had been accompanied by a few wins…. Along those lines, some math: Eli Whiteside, brawl provocateur > Eli Whiteside, ballplayer ... At some point soon, it's gonna dawn on the Giants and their fans that another trip to the postseason isn't their birthright, even in a bag-o'-crap division. Anyone who believes that the offense will magically pick up the way it did in 2010 is either dumb or delusional, because this team simply can't hit ... It took a mere eight days for Carlos Beltran to go from middle-of-the-order savior to overrated lethargic wuss. What is it about this guy that fans hate so much? It happened in New York and it's happening here. He should ask for scapegoating incentives in his next deal.