St. Louis Cardinals

Power Rankings

Date	Ranking	Previous
01/26/2012	10	1
Good business: A few years too soon > a few years too late. That holds for both the supadupastar player and the skipper. Bad business: To hear some people tell it, they needed to import a chemist to maintain the clubhouse equilibrium. Unfortunately, most Cardinals -- most MLB players, actually -- did their graduate dissertations on "Biosemiotic Signifiers in the Larry The Cable Guy oeuvre," rather than on interpersonal relations. So they'll just have to generate chemistry the old-fashioned way: By winning and hot-footing each other's shoes and such. Prognosis as of 11:14 a.m. GMT on Jan. 26, 2012: What Albert Pujols and Tony La Russa left behind ain't too shabby.
10/31/2011	1	8
2011 eulogy: If somebody had told you in mid-August they'd still be playing baseball on Oct. 28, much less washing cheap booze out of their clothes, you'd have sent that somebody for a full psychiatric workup. That was one hell of a run. Offseason to-do list: Strut, baby. You've earned it. ... Pay whatever it takes to retain Albert Pujols, but insert a contract clause that requires him to field reporters' questions not just after tough losses, but 24/7/365, about baseball-related topics as well as ones pertaining to politics and personal hygiene. ... Purchase walkie-talkies and flares to improve the efficiency of bullpen communications. ... Send Colby Rasmus' dad some playoff gear. ... Odds of achieving Cardinals-like glory in 2012: Solid. They're the Cardinals, which technically means all their glory is Cardinals-like. Also, the NL Central isn't populated by smarts or spendthrifts, and the Brewers will take a hit when Prince flies the coop.
09/28/2011	8	8
What went right: As much as the Colby Rasmus trade projects as a long-term disaster, it fueled the Cards' late-season run. Reinvention on the fly ain't easy and the Cards somehow pulled it off ... Luck and the law of averages also played a large role with the Cards coming out on the sunny side of one-run games more often than they did earlier in the season. Truly, the universe works in mysterious ways ... Lance Berkman hit a bunch and only tripped over six or seven nonexistent sprinklers in the outfield. I had him pegged for 12 collisions with imaginary walls, so he exceeded expectations and then some. What went wrong: Tony La Russa pushed every button -- every single one, whether to gain pinch-running advantages or effect triple switches that would reinvent the game as we know it and totally blow our minds. Keep this guy away from your elevators ... They've hit into 169 double plays, just a few off the major-league record of 174. They still lead the NL in runs scored. I don't know what to make of that, frankly. Regular-season epilogue: Nobody can say it was boring.
09/20/2011	8	10
They're playing as well as they have all season. Unfortunately, unlike in seasons past, MLB's Powers That Be have ruled that June games will count in the standings just as much as September ones do. Tough break for the Cards and their fans. ... By the way, the "Adron" you saw in St. Louis box scores this week is a flesh-and-blood being named Adron Chambers, not a multinational conglomerate with interests in zinc smelting and the wicker trade. I'm still investigating the "Lobaton" who popped up in Tampa boxes, though. Will keep you posted.
09/13/2011	10	11
For a few minutes there, they looked like they were back, riding the crest of an 8-1 wave against the Brewers and Braves. Unfortunately, the schedule turned sunny and they farted away another game to the Pirates. They're the only contender for which a Pirates/Mets/Cubs/Astros finishing flourish can be construed as a bad thing. ... Tony La Russa, of course, continues to fiddle (e.g., Monday's intentional walk of Ryan Ludwick, currently triple-slashing at .239/.310/.364) as Missouri smolders. At this point, I almost admire his misplaced confidence.
09/06/2011	11	12
Momentum is a fickle mistress. One moment she's preparing you a late-afternoon plate of hummus and the crispest vegetables, the next she's emptying the pine tar onto the grille of your Lexus for imaginary violations of nonexistent curfews ... So yeah, it'd sure have helped the Cards' case if they had followed up the sweep of the Brewers with a few more wins against the Reds. Head-to-head games are wonderful for making up real estate in the standings, but ultimately they don't count any more than the other ones do. The math'll get you every time.
08/30/2011	12	11
I'm working on the season eulogy. Should I lead with the pedagogical dogma of the hammerhead skipper or the 32-29 division record? ... Not that games in late August count more than ones in April or May, but during the past two weeks the Cards have dropped series to the Pirates, Cubs and Dodgers. If they hadn't gotten the happy-hug interleague schedule -- contests against the Jays and Orioles, but not the Yankees or Red Sox -- they would be even worse off ... In conclusion, they disgust me. And if they disgust me, an impartial observer who roots but for "the story," I can only imagine how Cards fans are feeling about now. Somebody might even drop a D-bomb ("darn it!"). Plug your ears and blind your eyes.
08/23/2011	11	8
One senses that, should this collapse continue, Cards fans will finally and irrevocably turn on Tony La Russa. While he did himself no favors with his handling of Colby Rasmus, a division title after the Wainwright apocalypse would've smoothed it over. But the beatdown at the Brewers' hands is one indignity too many. ... Ach! So many double plays! Enough with the double plays already! ... So Shelby Miller pounds some beers and throws a few punches, and gets suspended (justifiably). But the manager pounds some beers and gets into a car, and he's only forced to do a media walk of shame? Double standards are confusing.
08/16/2011	8	8
There are three possible paths to travel here. I could yammer about La Russian notions of justice and vengeance; riff on Albert Pujols' recent reluctance to take a walk; or inquire why the Cards appear to have quit toward the end of the first two games in last week's series against the Brewers. No matter which route I go, I'm not adding much to the canon of western thought. Sorry. I'll do better next week.
08/09/2011	8	10
It is super-specialist Arthur Rhodes' destiny to pitch for super-specializer Tony La Russa. Make it happen, waiver wire ... It's hard to defend La Russa when he orders retaliation via plunk for an imagined slight in the late innings of a tight game, as he did last Tuesday. If you need to send a message, do it when the outcome isn't in doubt. Better still, don't do it at all, and air your grievances in a passive-aggressive email ("I can only conclude that your temper has something to do with the way you were raised") ... As for Yadier Molina's spitty-bumpy tantrum and the subsequent suspension, we can debate it all night long (well, you can -- I'm going to bed after I write this sentence). But what's not debatable is the message it sends to the children, 11 or 12 of whom might've been watching late on Tuesday night. After seeing a ballplayer act that way, ne'er will they respect any person in a position of authority. Mail carriers of the Midwest, you've been forewarned.