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Quote Translator: Dwight Howard talks Kobe, SVG and flatulence

By Matt Moore | NBA writer

Yay for more fart jokes.  (Getty Images)
Dwight Howard says he and Kobe Bryant are on the same page. (Getty Images)

Quote translator seeks to give you what NBA people say and what they mean. Also, it's us making fun of quotes, because it's fun.

Things you have to love: how badly Dwight Howard needs to change his demeanor and outlook and how resoundingly he feels the best thing is to stay "true to himself." The Lakers big man did another interview (because that's been a great plan this year), and Sports Radio Interviews brings us the highlights.

On people cramping his style:

And for a large part of the season, everybody was upset that I smiled, wore headbands and all that kind of stuff. I kind of let it affect who I was as a person. It was hurting myself, it was hurting my game and it was hurting my teammates. I just wanted to get back to who I am and just play ball and be free.”

via Sports Radio Interviews » Blog Archive » Dwight Howard on His Relationship With Kobe Bryant: “We're Not Best Friends but We're Pretty Much on the Same Page”.

Translation: See, we don't want to be too mean. Howard has the right to live his life and be the way that he wants. But a couple of things:

1. The people with the biggest problem regarding his laughing and joking all the time are his teammates. Kobe Bryant doesn't like it, doesn't respect it, doesn't think it's a good thing. So to blame it on other people is off. Bryant knows what it takes to win, and he might consider respecting that a bit more.

2. The headband, honestly, looks really, really, really stupid. Sorry, it just does.

On Stan Van Gundy:

“I've always appreciated Stan, and the one thing that I appreciated about him was that he pushed me to the limits. He let me know if I'm not playing good or doing anything out there; he chewed me out for it because he wanted the best for the team. Sometimes when we're away from it, we get the chance to see it from the other side. I appreciate everything he did for my game and for our team. I think a lot of guys who played under Stan feel the same way."

via Sports Radio Interviews » Blog Archive » Dwight Howard on His Relationship With Kobe Bryant: “We're Not Best Friends but We're Pretty Much on the Same Page”.

Translation: After Van Gundy famously revealed to reporters that Howard had told management he wanted him fired, Magic management made a big deal out of saying the next coach would get along with players better.

So, basically, now that things are hard, Howard has realized, "Oh, that's right. Stan Van Gundy pushed me to be the player who won Defensive Player of the Year and was dominant. Maybe I shouldn't have undercut him for over a year."

Funny how he realizes this eight months later.

On his relationship with Bryant:

“We're not best friends, but I would say that we understand where we're at. We're pretty much on the same page as far as what it's going to take for us to get to the next level and for us to win. I have to bring that energy and effort every night and, because I'm in better shape, I'm able to do that for longer periods.”

via Sports Radio Interviews » Blog Archive » Dwight Howard on His Relationship With Kobe Bryant: “We're Not Best Friends but We're Pretty Much on the Same Page”.

Translation: Basically the same thing that everyone always says about Kobe Bryant. He's impossible to get along with but great to win alongside.

And of course, on farting:

“[Laughing] Stan [Van Gundy] used to get mad because I would have so much gas. It was like I didn't have gas at home, but I always had it when we had practice and especially when he talked. I used to always let it out.”

via Sports Radio Interviews » Blog Archive » Dwight Howard on His Relationship With Kobe Bryant: “We're Not Best Friends but We're Pretty Much on the Same Page”.

Translation: "I am an 8-year-old who does not realize this stopped being funny forever always ago."

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