Tim Duncan does boxing training with Jesse James Leija

By Matt Moore | NBA writer

Spurs center Tim Duncan is training with two-time world boxing champion Jesse James Leija. I am terrified of this.

After speaking to several scientists and medical experts, I have constructed this brief timeline on what would happen if Tim Duncan punched you in the face as hard as he can.

First upon cocking his arm back, millions of small gears in his robotic arm spring to life, as the nuclear-powered rockets in his cyborg shoulder begin to propel his arm forward. Let's pretend for a second that all life in a ten-block area isn't destroyed by the vacuum created by the force of this motion.

•Duncan's arm extends forward and there's that tiny moment where the very idea of getting hit by Tim Duncan starts to form in your cortex. Were it allowed to actually develop, this would be accompanied by your involuntary urination, the proverbial "life flashing before your eyes," and an unstoppable torrent of tears as you look back with regret on what you could have done differently to avoid this fate. Lucky for you, this happens so fast you never get past "Oh, n.."

•Duncan's cold, metallic fist lands, and again, assuming we're ignoring the nuclear detonation caused by the forced of this blow triggering a blast wave equal to a single warhead deployed by a modern ICBM, your face begins to separate in nanoseconds, breaking into millions of tiny pieces.

The battering continues as the particles begin to disintegrate at the sub-atomic level. Your head becomes a fine powder, drifting throught the air as his fist reaches the other sideof your skull.

•You die. The end.

So you see, this would be very bad. Duncan's training may require intervention from allied NATO forces to stop this threat to our society.

Unless he's punching Shane Battier. Then he manages to miss despite Battier being right in front of him, harmless whiffing just barely and resulting in all sorts of sadness.

HT: Project Spurs

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