Cowboys fullback Lawrence Vickers yanked from practice with fire ants in his pants

Vickers had a dangerous run-in with fire ants and his pants recently. (US Presswire)

What would be the worst insect to have crawling around in your pants? Probably fire ants, I'd think. Add in the fact that football pants are way tighter than regular pants, and it's hard not to feel bad for fullback Lawrence Vickers, who was removed from Cowboys practice with fire ants in his pants on Wednesday.

Making matters even worse is that Vickers recently found out that he's allergic to fire ants.

"Fire ants got in my pants," Vickers said, per Brandon George of the Dallas Morning News. "I was freaking out. Oh, ants!"

As you might guess, there's only one true way to find out you're allergic to fire ants. And Vickers found out four months ago while working out when he was stung by the ants (they're apparently a big problem in Texas) and swelled up and had trouble breathing. Vickers now rocks an EpiPen (a hand-held injection device used to fight off allergic reactions, if you don't know).

He apparently didn't need to use it on Wednesday, and wasn't as bad off as he appeared while leaving the field. Vickers was hunched over grabbing himself, but that's only because he was trying to avoid the need to yank his pants down in front of fans.

"I was trying not to squeeze myself in front of women out there," Vickers said. "I wanted to pull my pants down and run inside, but I couldn't do that. When those ants get close to those testicles, there ain't no laughing about that."

This story is part serious and part hilarious (because Vickers is safe), but I can't stop laughing and nodding knowingly to myself at Vickers' last sentence in that quote. If and when I have a son, the first thing I may relay to him about manhood could be that sentence. If I could turn back time, I would probably use that sentence as my senior yearbook quote.

It is equal parts serious, hilarious, scientifically informative and preferably used out of context.

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