There are times when the skies are gray and the coffee is cold and there's nothing to watch on TV, and man, you just want to talk to somebody to scare away the loneliness that's eating up your insides while the anxiety of your self-seclusion dances the rumba of desperation on your chest.
That exact moment is the time -- and the only time, for heaven's sake! -- in which it's OK to tweet out something like this to your 837,737 followers.
Everyone call me I wanna talk 3212178997— Chris Johnson (@ChrisJohnson28) April 24, 2013
Clearly, the Titans' Johnson wants to talk to somebody to cure his illness of isolation. Or perhaps he needs a pep talk or to hear a dirty joke or to hear a sordid tale from your personal life that occurred long ago.
Or maybe, just maybe, it's only a prank.
And if that is the case and Johnson is just flicking us behind the ear, my skies have grown a little bit darker, the cold coffee has been spit in my face and the rumba on my chest has just become a mosh pit of melancholy.
VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE: I just called the above number. It rang three times before the automated voice told me that caller was unavailable and to try again later. It didn't even invite me to leave a message. Which makes me sadder still.