If you ever wondered why the USFL ultimately failed, check out the video below. Sure, those teams spent top money on players like Herschel Walker, Doug Flutie, Reggie White and Steve Young. Sure, they put out an interesting product for a few years. Sure, they successfully sued the NFL (and received a mighty $1 judgment in return).
But the promotional video below is so bad it's … well, you watch it first, and then we'll reassess the way that we are living our lives.
A couple things:
1. Who thought it'd be a good idea to overdub on this video the music of that burn-out who plays acoustic guitar at the local coffee house and who … can't … keep ... it … down when all you want to do is talk to your buddy without having to raise your freakin' voice? Seriously, if you're going to inspire me with your music selection in the mid-'80s, go with something hard and fast. Go with some Bad Brains, or hit me up with some Iron Maiden. Hey, I like the speed of a Jim Croce song as much as the next guy, but he also shouldn't be playing the Super Bowl.
2. Midway through, the USFL shows us some of its vaunted action. Except the one highlight that's shown is from a weird, end-zone camera angle on a play that didn't even count as a touchdown. Huh? Which is followed by USFL commissioner Harry L. Usher saying, “Boy, can they play.” I'll take his word for it, but I'm not ready to go all-in on the savviness of the PR department quite yet.
3. My favorite part: Herschel and Doug show off their ability to spike a football and give an awesome high five! (and by “awesome,” I really mean “incredibly awkward”) as Usher stood between them with a maniacal grin on his kisser. Seriously, how freakin' unbelievable was this meeting of the paws?
4. And, to top it all off, the tagline to this 30-second slice of football heaven? “The USFL. Where football is still a game.”
Ahem, not for long. And, based on the video, I say, “Deservedly so, sirs. Deservedly so.”