You probably know Larry David as the co-creator of "Seinfeld," or the neurotic caricature of himself from "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Turns out, he also knows a lot about sports. So much so that he thinks he can run a football team. (Hey, don't dismiss it; Matt Millen ran a team for eight years. Weirder things have happened.)
“If they gave me a chance, I could turn the fortunes of an NFL team around,” David said during a recent appearance on the Rich Eisen Podcast (via Larry Brown Sports). “There's no doubt in my mind. I write stories, so why couldn't I draw up a play? What's harder? I think a lot of writers could be offensive coordinators. I know I could do it.”
David also sounds like he'd take a page out of the Greg Schiano playbook when it comes to end-of-game kneeldowns, but without the part where he tries to steamroll unsuspecting opponents.
“Here's one thing I wouldn't do,” David said. “I wouldn't be doing what Denver did at the end of that playoff game [last season against the Ravens]. I wouldn't take a knee. How dare he take that knee? Peyton Manning's your quarterback and you're taking a knee?”
* “You know what else I am? I'm a fourth down guy. I'm going on fourth. Think about this. Two-minute drives -- why are they always so successful? Why do these teams always score on two-minute drives? Because they use four downs, that's why. If it's 4th-and-40 I'll punt, OK? But my philosophy is we've got four downs. Go with your four downs.”
* “Here's the big mistake on defense -- they play these zones. They leave these big seams. So you see the players and they're like, ‘There's a guy here and there's a guy here, so I'm gonna go in the middle and go like this!' And the quarterback, who can throw a ball 100 mph, goes, ‘Oh look, I've got a guy open.'”
* “With me, I'm back in the school yard. I've got him, who do you got? If I'm the defensive coordinator, you're not gonna see a running back out in the slot waiting as a safety valve when the quarterback can't find a receiver. There's not gonna be a safety valve in a David defense. You know why? That guys gonna be covered. You won't have linebackers just standing around in a zone.”
Just a hunch, but we think you might be looking at the next Jets head coach.