If you're one of the many people that's been hoping Hollywood would put Chucky and the Terminator in the same movie, that will probably never happen, but you got the next best thing on Tuesday.
During episode two of Hard Knocks, HBO gave us the NFL's version of the Terminator and Chucky in the form of Bengals fullback John Connor and former NFL coach Jon Gruden. Gruden was in the ESPN booth for the Bengals preseason game against the Falcons.
So what else happened during episode two? Glad you asked.
From Estonia, with love
I'm not sure if they sell an Estonian language Rosetta Stone, but if they do, Bengals defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer will probably be buying it in the near future. Zimmer will need it so he can communicate with the Bengals 2013 second-round draft pick from Estonia: Defensive end Margus Hunt.
Actually, forget the Rosetta Stone, Zimmer can just download the app.
"They have an Estonia app. If you can get it," Hunt told Zimmer during practice. "Then you can learn all the words and all the sentences you might need if I blow an assignment."
"I'll have to get it," Zimmer said, somewhat seriously.
Bengals owner Mike Brown isn't worried about learning the language of Estonia, but he is worried about something else.
"I worry, because, does he have friends?" Brown wondered about Hunt.
Brown's one worry seems like a legitimate one. Asked if he hangs out with the other rookies, Hunt had this to say, "Not really."
So how did someone from Estonia end up playing football? "I started off as a track and field athlete back in Estonia. I did track and field for the most part of my life."
Hunt went to Southern Methodist and threw the discus there until SMU cut the school's track and field program. That move led to Hunt playing football. "I don't know that Margus really knew what football was until he came [to America]," defensive line coach Jay Hayes said.
Other fun Estonia facts we learned during the broadcast: Apparently, Estonia's not exactly a diverse country. "I asked [Hunt] when the first time was he saw a black person. He said he was 18-years-old," Bengals defensive end Michael Johnson said.
Teammate Aaron Maybin has been impressed by Hunt's Estonian strength, "You strong as [crap] dude. I don't even think he realizes how strong he is," Maybin said.
If Hunt ever decides to head back to Estonia, it sounds like defensive lineman Terrence Stephens would be more than willing to go, "I want to go to Estonia, just because I met you. What do the women look like? Do they look like you?" Stephens asked.
"Do I look like woman?" Hunt replied.
Lets all agree to visit Estonia some day.
Bengals backup quarterback Josh Johnson, who's battling John Skelton for the No. 2 job in Cincinnati, will probably want to spend the rest of camp working on his accuracy, "He has some issues that he needs to work out. Accuracy is one of them," offensive coordinator Jay Gruden said of Johnson.
Marvin Lewis wasn't much friendlier with his assessment. "I've never seen so many incompletions. His accuracy is just horrible," Lewis said.
Forget Johnson for a second though, let's talk about Andy Dalton. Dalton was caught on video in the training room visiting with wide receiver A.J. Green, which prompted an off-camera player to yell, "Andy's checking on his baby!"
I'd check on my baby too if I connected 97 times for 1,350 yards with it.
We finally found something James Harrison likes.
Over the past week Harrison's made it clear that he hates the media, he hates Hard Knocks, he hates the Hard Knocks crew and he hates anyone that's wearing a jersey that's not the one he's wearing -- but he doesn't hate everything. Harrison apparently likes listening to people sing old hits by the Carpenters.
Rookie defensive lineman Terrence Stephens sang a Carpenters song while the team was in Atlanta and Harrison looked like he was having a better time than a teenage girl at her first Justin Bieber concert.
Stephens also teamed up with wide receiver Marvin Jones for a duet of Boyz II Men's End of the Road, which you can see below. It's not bad. Maybe Jones and Stephens can open for Bieber.
Terminator: Rise of the Machines
"I expect the fullbacks on this football team to be heat-seeking missiles," Hue Jackson. Jackson's actually in luck because his fullback isn't a heat-seeking missile, his fullback is a search-and-destroy cyborg. Fullback John Connor is battling Orson Charles for the Bengals starting fullback spot.
HBO should decide on who does Hard Knocks by whichever team John Conner is on.— Bruce Feldman (@BFeldmanCBS) August 14, 2013
Pacman Jones has no problem getting girls
If you need a wingman at the bar, Adam Jones is probably the Bengal you want to call. Actually, after what happened in June, maybe he shouldn't be near a bar. So if you need a wingman at some place that's not a bar, call Pacman, who had this amusing exchange with Terence Newman.
"Chicks dig soccer players and baseball players and quarterbacks in that order. What you think?" Newman asked.
"I've never had a problem getting a chick," Jones replied.
"Be careful not to fall down, there's ant hills."
Go ahead and file that under things that NFL assistant coaches never say at practice but now they say it because it was said on Hard Knocks.
The Bengals went down to Atlanta three days before the team's Aug. 8 preseason game with the Falcons and held several practices with their NFC rivals. There were nice practices held at the Falcons' facilities in Flowery Branch, Ga. However, after the nice practices, there was a walk-through. The walk-through was held on the ant-infested field pictured above, which looks like an exact replica of the field where they filmed all the football scenes in the movie the Little Giants.
Defensive lineman Domata Peko felt right at home on the dirt field, amongst the ants.
"That's how football fields are in American Samoa. That's our game field. You try not to fall down or else you'll get hurt," Peko said.
Thankfully for the Bengals, it seems that no one fell down or got hurt.
I can't believe the Bengals were able to overcome the practice-field fire ants to beat the Falcons last week.— Josh Katzowitz (@joshkatzowitz) August 14, 2013
Bengals 34, Falcons 10
Bengals offensive coordinator Jay Gruden seems to know his personnel pretty well.
During the ESPN production meeting before the Bengals-Falcons game, Gruden was asked who the cameramen and announcers should keep their eye on in the second half, "Sanzenbacher's done some good things," Gruden said.
And then Sanzenbacher did some good things. The former Ohio State receiver scored twice against the Falcons -- once on a 36-yard catch and once on a 71-yard punt return and apparently the entire Gruden family likes to say his name. Jon Gruden was saying it in the ESPN booth all night and Jay Gruden was yelling it on the field after each Sanzenbacher touchdown.
One coach that wasn't using Sanzenbacher's name was Zimmer. Zimmer was saying other things -- mainly four-letter curse words that we're not allowed to use here. If Hard Knocks ever makes the move to network television, every other word Gruden says will be bleeped out.
More Hard Knocks
If you missed episode one of Hard Knocks, you can catch up here. HBO will have encore showings of episode two all week, so be sure to check your local listings.