Last week, long after Geno Smith's Orlovskyian safety, and Mark Sanchez's "That really didn't just happen" shoulder injury, Jets third-team quarterback Matt Simms came in to lead a late fourth-quarter scoring drive that culminated with a tidy 22-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Ryan Spadola.
In general, it was another meaningless preseason pitch and catch between two players that might never see an NFL field this season. But the biggest difference between this touchdown and the countless others we've seen over the last month is that Simms was flagged on the play for unsportsmanlike conduct. Specifically: He -- and we're not joking -- simulated that he was firing off a pistol, Michael Scott-style.
It gets weirder: The NFL fined Simms $7,875 for said "gun simulation."
Jets QB Matt Simms fined $7,875 by NFL for unsportsmanlike conduct (gun simulation) last night. Vlad Ducasse fined $7,875 for leg whip #nyj— Manish Mehta (@MMehtaNYDN) August 30, 2013
#Jets QB Matt Simms, who looked sharp last night, fined $7,875 for celebration (Six-shooter). OL Vlad Ducasse fined $7,875 for leg whip— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) August 30, 2013
This seems like a great use of the NFL's time.
But as ProFootballTalk.com pointed out earlier this month, officials are cracking down on taunting, and pretend-shooting your fingers off will not be accepted.
Details, via the 2012 official playing rules: “These acts include but are not limited to: sack dances; home run swing; incredible hulk; spiking the ball; throwing or shoving the ball; pointing; pointing the ball; verbal taunting; military salute; standing over an opponent (prolonged and with provocation); or dancing.”
To put this in perspective, some adult, likely while wearing a business suit and who holds an advanced degree, was tasked with drafting language that included phrases like (but not limited to!) "home run swing," "incredible hulk" and "military salute."
And now this poor sap can add another term: "using fingers as six-shooters."
I suppose we should just all be thankful that Simms didn't pretend to be the Incredible Hulk firing off a few celebratory finger rounds.
* hat tip: B/R