Here's what I learned in Week 1: Never stop watching the second half of a Chargers game if they have a giant lead because they'll probably blow it. Always pick against the Jaguars. Everyone in the AFC North is on pace to go 0-16 even though that's impossible because they play each other.
Also, the NFL should maybe make halftime of Eagles' games longer because I ran out of breath watching their offense and I needed a longer break. Roger Goodell, if you're reading, or if an assistant of an assistant is reading this to you, please consider my request.
Now, lets get to the picks. And remember, if I pick against your team, it's because they deserve to lose -- or it's because Brandon Weeden's their quarterback. One or the other. Or both.
Oh and If you want to make fun of me for all of the wrong picks I made last week or if you just disagree with my Week 2 picks below, be sure to let me know in the comment section or on Twitter or you can mail me a letter through the post office, although that might not be the best idea because I don't feel like it would get to me before Week 2 starts on Thursday. But you can try.
Anyway, lets get to the picks. And don't forget, you can check out the weekly picks from every CBSSports.com NFL expert here.
Week 2 picks
Dallas (1-0) at Kansas City (1-0), 1 p.m. ET: Beating Jacksonville tells you nothing about a team, except that they're better than Jacksonville, so we know nothing about Kansas City except that they're better than Jacksonville. That doesn't really help when it comes to picking this game. It's the Chiefs home opener and Tony Romo's banged up, that's enough for me to pick Kansas City. Chiefs 27-24 over the Cowboys.
Washington (0-1) at Green Bay (0-1), 1 p.m. ET: One of these two division winners from last season is going to be 0-2 after this game and the losing team here could very well be two games out of first place after Week 2. The Redskins are on a short week and have to travel to Lambeau Field where Aaron Rodgers is 4-1 in home openers. I'll take the Cheeseheads. Hopefully these girls will be at the game. Packers 31-24 over the Redskins.
Denver (1-0) at NY Giants (0-1), 4:25 p.m. ET: Eli Manning has more Super Bowl rings than Peyton, but this game's not a Super Bowl. Actually it probably is a Super Bowl to Peyton because every game seems like it's a Super Bowl to him. Anyway, Peyton's undefeated against Eli and he'll probably throw five more touchdown passes this week to go with the seven he threw last week. Broncos 38-31 over the Giants.
San Francisco (1-0) at Seattle (1-0), 8:30 p.m. ET: The Seahawks haven't lost at home since Christmas Eve -- in 2011. I don't care if Seattle's playing a team of Adrian Peterson clones, if the game's in Seattle, I'm picking the Seahawks. I know what you're thinking, 'Would a team of Peterson clones even be good at defense?' That's a great question that I don't have the answer too. Seahawks 34-31 over the 49ers.
Pittsburgh (0-1) at Cincinnati (0-1) (Mon.), 8:30 p.m. ET: This game is for first place in the AFC North. Of course, it's also for last place and if we want to be technical it's for second place too, which would actually be last place. All four teams in the AFC North are 0-1 and after Sunday, two of them will be 0-2. One of those two won't be the Bengals though because they're going to beat the hapless Steelers. Bengals 27-17 over the Steelers.
Week 2 picks: All the rest
Patriots 30-17 over NY Jets
Falcons 27-20 over Rams
Panthers 23-20 over Bills
Bears 24-17 over Vikings
Dolphins 23-20 over Colts
Eagles 34-21 over Chargers
Ravens 20-14 over Browns
Texans 27-20 over Titans
Saints 38-24 over Bucs
Cardinals 27-23 over Lions
Raiders 27-17 over Jacksonville
Best Pick: I picked the Texans to beat the Chargers by three. The Texans beat the Chargers by three. Sure, I didn't predict a complete and total San Diego meltdown in the second half, but that's because complete and total second half meltdowns are implied any time you pick against the Chargers.
Worst pick: I picked the Steelers to beat the Titans 24-17. The most embarassing part of that pick is that I thought the Steelers could score 24 points.
Straight up: 10-6
Against the spread: 6-10