Cowboys to introduce 'Jerry Wipes' so we can all be like owner Jerry Jones
An Internet meme was born when cameras caught Jerry Jones' son-in-law clearning his glasses. And now Jones fully intends to capitalize on it. That's right; Jerry Wipes are coming to the masses.
|What do you get the person who has everything? Something other than 'Jerry Wipes,' we're guessing. (NBC)|
Above all else, Jerry Jones is a businessman. Before becoming the Cowboys' owner and general manager, he made his money in oil and gas. He has also dabbled in hip-hop and "We are the world"-type song parodies to drum up interest in pizza and North Texas, respectively.
Last Wednesday night, during the Cowboys' regular-season opener against the Giants, television cameras caught Jones sitting comfortably in his owner's box while son-in-law Shy Anderson cleaned his eyeglasses. It was a bizarre sight. But on the scale of "weird things we've seen Jerry Jones do," we didn't think much of it.
(That said, the nonchalance of those close to Jones as this was going on was unsettling. They seemed to view it with the same indifference most people reserve for staring at a blank wall. We can imagine them saying in hushed tones, "Oh, that's just Jerry being Jerry!")
Whatever, an Internet meme was born, and Jones the Businessman fully intends to capitalize on it. That's right, you, too, can experience the world through crystal-clear eyewear just like Jerry Jones because Jerry Wipes are coming to the masses by way of DallasCowboys.com. The Dallas Morning News says Anderson came up with the idea as well as the catchy name.
"They can also be used for spontaneous shoe shining, if necessary," Anderson said, presumably while laughing hysterically. "It started out as a joke, but let's see how far we can take it."
We're guessing these end up on the shelf in the dollar store next to Ochocinco condoms.
By the way, we aren't mocking Anderson for dutifully cleaning his father-in-law's glasses -- he lives in a $9.6 million house, he's doing something right -- we're mocking him for "Jerry Wipes." It's only a matter of time before something wholesome becomes something much less than that.
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