Here's who should play Tom Brady, Roger Goodell in the Deflategate movie
It's time to play casting director for Hollywood's next big sports movie
Tom Brady’s Deflategate comeback story is getting the Hollywood treatment.
The Super Bowl MVP’s fall from grace and ensuing revenge tour to lead the Patriots to an unfathomable 25-point comeback win in Super Bowl LI over the Falcons is being written for the screen by Oscar-nominated writers Paul Tamasy and Eric Johnson. The duo previously teamed to write “Patriots Day” and “The Fighter,” which both star Brady superfan Mark Wahlberg.The premise of the script begins in January 2014 when the Deflategate scandal first broke following the AFC Championship Game.
So who plays Brady in the movie? Or supervillain Roger Goodell?
We decided to play casting director to hand out roles for what promises to be a feel-good movie that all of
America New England can get behind.
And, no, Marky Mark doesn’t get to play Brady -- though he’s in the movie.
Here’s our cast:
Timothy Olyphant as Tom Brady
Yeah, we know, Matt Damon, you want to play Brady. Brady even said once you should play him in a movie. And, yeah, we hear you, too, Ben Affleck. True -- you’ve got a great chin dimple, just like your boy, Tommy. But neither of you are pulling this role off.
For one, Matt, you’re generously listed at 5-foot-10, even though, let’s be honest, you look like you’re about 5-foot-8 in a helmet and pads. This was painfully obvious when you went on Jimmy Kimmel pretending to be Brady.
And, you, Ben, well, you’re just too obvious of a casting call. We get it: All you Boston guys love Brady. We see you, too, Chris Evans.
But Olyphant, who’s criminally underrated in Hollywood, just oozes Brady. He’s tallish -- 6 feet -- and skinny, just like Brady. And he’s also got those sinister eyes, which are perfect for this revenge flick.
Sean Spicer as Roger Goodell
No, not Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer, though that would be so meta. We’re talking about the real “Spicey” here. This is the role of a lifetime for Donald Trump’s White House press secretary -- whenever the president decides he’s had enough of all those SNL skits.
If you’re looking for a fun web-based experience, we recommend you search Twitter for “Roger Goodell looks like” and you’re sure to find some interesting casting ideas. But Spicer gets the role here, for one, because he’s already got Goodell down pat when it comes to making pronouncements that pull an end-around on facts. Heck, Goodell basically invented #alternativefacts.
"The Patriots are off to one of the best starts in Super Bowl history." - @seanspicer— Mark Takano (@RepMarkTakano) February 6, 2017
Bill Paxton as Bill Belichick
Casting Belichick is a tough call. We liked this suggestion …
… but Anne Ramsey died in 1988, back when Belichick was winning Super Bowls with the Giants. So, we’re giving Paxton the role. Like Belichick, he’s a master technician who’s constantly adapting. He’s been an astronaut, a tornado chaser, a Mormon polygamist and pretty much everyone imaginable in 93 film and TV acting credits, so we’re pretty sure he can pull off The Hoodie.
Bradley Cooper as Julian Edelman
There’s probably no shortage of hunk-ish Hollywood leading men who could play Edelman, but we’re going with Cooper here because, like Mr. Burger Tyme himself, he can grow one helluva beard.
Mark Wahlberg as Danny Amendola
Speaking of burgers ... Marky Mark already played a quick, athletic NFL wide receiver in “Invincible” so we know he can pull this off. And both of these guys have model-level good looks.
Danny Amendola Gets FIERCE at NYC Fashion Show (PHOTO GALLERY + VIDEO) https://t.co/Hq2tVBjfTM— Cam Models Charlesto (@CamModelsChs) February 14, 2017
Marky Mark (Mark Wahlberg) - Calvin Klein (1992) pic.twitter.com/bdkDdquOtE— 90s Heart Throbs (@90sHeartThrobs) April 17, 2016
Also, no way Wahlberg isn’t appearing in this movie, since he was the star of two previous films written Paul Tamasy and Eric Johnson, including the Oscar-nominated “The Fighter.”
Channing Tatum as Rob Gronkowski
Tatum has been preparing his entire life for this role. Although, this is only contingent on if Gronk can’t play himself in the movie because he’s got a party cruise scheduled or something. We already know Gronk can act.
But Tatum isn’t a terrible backup. He played football in high school and was voted most athletic and, like Gronk, he loves to take his shirt off.
Michael Che as Martellus Bennett
Michael Che, best known for his Weekend Update gig on “Saturday Night Live,” is from New York, so he might balk at playing a hated Patriot. But Gronk can’t have all the laughs in this picture.
50 Cent as James White
50 is perfect for this role, as long as he’s not actually required to throw anything.
Jennifer Carpenter as Gisele Bundchen
C’mon, you gotta admit that Brady resembles Dexter just a little bit.
Nonso Anozie as LeGarrette Blount
Nonzo Anozie is a British actor, so he probably likes “the other” football, but he sure looks like a guy who knows how to pound the rock at the goal line.
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