Let me just start things off this week by saying that yes, I did watch the presidential debate, and although nobody agrees on anything when it comes to politics, I think we can all agree on who won: Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Yes, the guy who managed to throw six interceptions in a single game won the debate.

Think about it, Fitzpatrick played possibly the worst game in the history of football and no one is going to be talking about it this week because 24 hours after he threw those six interceptions, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton had to come in and steal the media spotlight.

I'm all for debates, but honestly, we should've delayed that thing at least a day so that we could all fully appreciate just how bad Fitzpatrick was.


I watched The Revenant over the weekend and what that bear did to Leonardo DiCaprio is basically what the Chiefs defense did to Fitzpatrick.

If you've never seen The Revenant, then think of the Fitzpatrick situation more like the first Saw movie: Fitzpatrick is the guy who has to use the saw to cut his own leg off, and the saw is the Chiefs defense.

If you've never seen either of those movies, then let's just say that Fitzpatrick had a worse week than Brangelina.

If you somehow missed any of Fitzpatrick's six interceptions, you can go back and watch them here, but I don't recommend it, because that means you would have to watch two minutes of the Jets playing football, which is two minutes more than anyone needs to see.

Fitzpatrick had a forgettable day against the Chiefs. USATSI

Anyway, let's move on.

This is usually the part where I tell you check out all the other NFL picks on our website by clicking here, but I'm not going to tell you that right now because as a group, we had a Fitzpatrick-esque week. It was ugly. If you want to know how ugly, you can click over.

Now that that's out of the way, I have some election advice for you: If you weren't happy with Clinton or Trump's performance in the debate, then you should think about voting for Lions offensive coordinator Jim Bob Cooter.

Apparently, he's running for president.

Umm... YES Kanye West vs. Jim Bob Cooter 2020 #election ?

A photo posted by Golden Tate (@showtimetate) on

As most pundits know, once you've won the conversion van vote, you've basically won the election. So here's an early congrats to President Jim Bob.

Alright, let's get to the picks.

NFL Week 4 Picks

Oakland (2-1) at Baltimore (3-0), 1 p.m. ET (CBS): If you've watched a Raiders or Ravens game this season, then you've probably noticed that every single week has basically been like a roller coaster ride in an amusement park made of anxiety. Every Raiders game has been decided by one score or less, and every Ravens game has been decided by one score or less, which means I think I'm required to pick a one-score game.

I'm also required to not pick the Raiders because they haven't figured out how to play football in the Eastern time zone. Since the beginning of the 2010 season, the Raiders are 1-16 in Eastern time, aka, my least favorite time zone.

That's right, I said it.

If I ever become president, the first thing I'm doing is getting rid of Eastern time. The main problem with Eastern time is that it confuses everyone on the West Coast. For instance, Raiders fans think they're 2-0 in Eastern time this year because they beat the Saints and Titans.

raiders-time-zone-final-picks.jpg
Time zones can be a confusing thing. Twitter

They seem so happy about those wins, I don't want to ruin it, but I'm going to: Those two games were in the Central time zone, not the eastern.

Now I feel bad.

To make it up to Raiders fans for ruining the joy of the Saints and Titans wins, I promise to pick Oakland in all Central time zone games for the rest of the season.

The pick: Ravens 34-31 over Raiders.

Seattle (2-1) at NY Jets (1-2), 1 p.m. ET (Fox): I really only have one rule of thumb when it comes to picking Seahawks games: If Russell Wilson is playing with an injury that would hospitalize any normal person, then I can't pick the Seahawks to win. Back in Week 2, I got laughed at for picking the Rams to beat the Seahawks, and guess what happened? The Rams won.

Of course, the only reason I picked the Rams is because Wilson was basically playing on a broken ankle. This time around, Wilson is dealing with an MCL sprain in his knee, and although I'm not a doctor, that doesn't sound good.

On the other hand, if I pick the Jets, that means going with Ryan Fitzpatrick to win a game against the NFL's top-ranked defense, which seems like a horrible idea after what happened in Kansas City on Sunday.

This is a classic Catch-22, which is fitting because as long as Fitzpatrick doesn't throw 22 interceptions, I think the Jets will win.

The pick: Jets 22-19 over Seahawks.

Dallas (2-1) at San Francisco (1-2), 4:25 p.m. ET (Fox): When it comes to pulling off inexplicable upsets at home, there's no one better than the 49ers. Since the beginning of 2015, the 49ers have won five home games that they went into as underdogs, which should scare the Cowboys because they're the favorite in this game.

Normally, if I see a clip of a quarterback handing the ball off to nobody, I automatically assume he has no idea what he's doing and pick against that team, but that's not going to happen this week.


Blaine Gabbert might not be able to perform a basic fake handoff, but somehow, I think he's going to lead his team to a win over the Cowboys. This is a gut-feeling pick and the only reason I'm going with it is because I'm 3-0 picking 49ers games this season and 3-0 picking Cowboys games.

Of course, that gut feeling might just mean I need some Pepto Bismol.

The pick: 49ers 20-17 over Cowboys.

Kansas City (2-1) at Pittsburgh (2-1), 8:30 p.m. ET (NBC): The Chiefs better cross their fingers and hope that Ben Roethlisberger goes full Fitzpatrick and throws six interceptions Sunday, because if that doesn't happen, it's hard to see Kansas City winning this game.

For one, the Steelers are getting back Le'Veon Bell, and two, the Steelers are a team that seems to play well when they're mad. You may have noticed that the Steelers only scored three points against the Eagles in Week 3, which isn't good news for the Chiefs because the last seven times the Steelers were held without a touchdown in a game, they won the next week.

Also, it appears that James Harrison is already in the weight room squatting 5,000 pounds. I'm guessing that's because he plans on single-handedly destroying the entire Chiefs offense Sunday.

The grind don't stop!💯💯💯 legday

A video posted by James Harrison (@jhharrison92) on

Speaking of the Chiefs offense, I'm still not sold. When Fitzpatrick threw his six interceptions, the most amazingly bad part of it -- besides the interceptions themselves -- was how bad Kansas City's offense played. In the 24-3 win, the Chiefs offense only scored 10 points, and they were rarely able to capitalize on any of the Jets' mistakes.

Fitzpatrick was trying to give the game away, and the Chiefs offense kept saying, "No, take it back. We don't want it."

Normally, I wouldn't be concerned by one bad week, but the Chiefs offense also struggled in Week 2 when it scored zero touchdowns in a 19-12 loss to Houston.

The pick: Steelers 31-20 over Chiefs.

God save the queen game in London

Indianapolis (1-2) vs. Jacksonville (0-3) at Wembley Stadium, 9:30 a.m. ET (CBS): I live in California, which means this game kicks off at 6:30 a.m., which means I have two choices for Sunday: Wake up early and watch the game or stay up all night drinking Red Bull so I'm awake when the game kicks off.

And no, not watching the game isn't an option because it's on CBS and I'm contractually obligated to watch everything on CBS.

As for the actual pick, Andrew Luck is 17-2 in his career against the AFC South, so unless God takes some time away from saving the queen to save the Jaguars, I'm not sure how Jacksonville is going to pull this off.

Also, this has nothing to do with the pick, but I feel like it's worth mentioning: This is basically a homecoming game for Luck. The Colts quarterback spent part of his childhood in London. Not only does Luck have extended family in London, but his younger brother was born there. No one wants to lose in front of their family, so I have to go with Luck.

The pick: Colts 27-24 over Jaguars.

By the way, I know I picked the Colts, but the truth is that everyone at this game will be a winner: They get to hear Robin Thicke perform!!!!!

What could possibly be better than that? Actually, don't answer that question.

NFL Week 4 picks: All the rest

Bengals 30-20 over Dolphins (Thursday, NFL Network only)

Texans 27-17 over Titans

Redskins 31-24 over Browns

Patriots 23-20 over Bills

Panthers 30-27 over Falcons

Lions 30-23 over Bears

Broncos 27-20 over Buccaneers

Cardinals 31-17 over Rams

Chargers 34-24 over Saints

Vikings 26-23 over Giants

BYES: Eagles, Packers

The Packers bye came at the perfect time for the fan below. Now she has plenty of time to break down the tape from Monday night's debate.

OK, let's move on.

Last Week

Best pick: Last week, I picked the winless Redskins to go on the road and upset the Giants 30-27, which turned out to be an amazing pick because the Redskins won the game 29-27. Did I know that Odell Beckham was going to get into a fight with a kicking net, lose that fight, and then start crying?

Of course I did, how else do you think I was able to get the game score almost exactly right.

Basically, when I'm trying to pick the winner of a Giants game, I always take into account that there's a 50 percent chance Beckham will pick a fight with an inanimate object. In this case, it just happened to be a kicking net.

Zing! Look at the Redskins social media team getting in on that action.

Anyway, for this week's game against the Vikings, my money is on Beckham picking a fight with a carton of popcorn.

Worst pick: I spent the first three paragraphs of these picks making fun of Ryan Fitzpatrick's performance against the Chiefs. Well, the joke's on me because I PICKED THE JETS OVER THE CHIEFS IN WEEK 3. Not only was it my worst pick of the week, it might have been the worst pick of my entire life. It was the "Dewey beats Truman" of picks.

Everyone time Fitzpatrick threw an interception on Sunday, a small part of me died, which makes it a medical miracle that I'm still alive, because that was a lot of interceptions. The only thing worse than Fitzpatrick's performance in Week 3 were my picks against the spread.

I was so bad in Week 3 that I might have to consider bringing in a guest picker if I can't hit the .500 mark in Week 4, because at this point, I think my six-year-old nephew could beat me.

Here's his fascinating take on gender roles.

I can't wait until he crushes me in picks against the spread.

Picks record

Straight-up in Week 3: 7-9

SU overall: 27-21

Against the spread in Week 3: 4-11-1

ATS overall: 17-30-1

You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he's not doing one of those things, he's probably explaining the concept of time zones to Raiders fans.