Move over, football, we've got The Lady for Brady

GLENDALE, Ariz. -- Out of all the Super Bowl Media Days, out of all the stunts, dopes, idiots and Spanish language television reporters dressed like hookers all preening to get their made up mugs on Jay Leno, this particular Media Day might have topped them all.

No, without question, it did top them all.

My assignment: Stand by quarterback Tom Brady and watch what happens.

Tom Brady takes the Media Day lunacy in stride. (Getty Images)

It wasn't like watching a train wreck. It was like watching a train driven by circus clowns who had just recently drank too much.

I have always had respect for Brady. He is an extremely good dude for being a superstar. There isn't an arrogant bone in his body. But after watching him sit through the waves of human stupidity, I have even more respect for him.

This took the cake. A woman wearing a swanky wedding dress and holding up a shirt that read "The Real Miss Brady" actually asked Brady to marry her. The wedding dress, however, looked it came from the Courtney Love line.

"I'm in love with you? Will you marry me please?" the bimbo begged.

"I've got a few Miss Bradys in my life," he responded.

What an answer. Priceless, actually.

What would have topped the untoppable was if Gisele Bundchen popped out of the crowd and then proceeded to whip the bride wanna-be's behind. But alas, no Gisele.

Throughout the craziness, Brady was unflappable. If Brady's performance during Media Day is an indicator of how he will play Sunday, the Patriots might win 40-0.

I have never seen anything like what I saw with Brady. It beat other Media Day moments like the antics of the Chicago Bears. Or Ray Buchanan wearing a dog collar. Or Ray Buchanan saying Shannon Sharpe looked like a horse. Or the guy with the hand puppet. Or the American Idol rejects asking asinine questions. Or anything else.

Brady was asked approximately 84 questions during the hour session and about 29 were related to football. One was about marriage.

The interesting aspect is that Brady actually said several interesting things but they'll be lost amid the questions from the zanies and crackpots. Brady spoke of how during practice on Monday he tossed just one incompletion.

Also, the warm weather has him feeling like the Brady of the beginning of the season when the Patriots were beating people by three touchdowns. He added that wide receiver Randy Moss -- who did not receive a marriage proposal -- is running his routes like its minicamp. It's like he has fresh legs, Brady said.

Uh-oh.

Brady also said Monday was the Patriots' 115th practice of the season.

So Brady was actually saying a few interesting things if, you know, you care about football and all.

When the media was allowed to proceed to the field, within 45 seconds there were 80 people standing in front of Brady's podium. Two minutes after that there were 200. The numbers kept increasing. Not since Mark Wahlberg's Boogie Nights have we seen so many swingers, blow-dried bimbos and rolling cameras in one location.

"Everybody and their momma are around Tom Brady," Deion Sanders said.

Sanders, who is becoming one of the best analysts on television, asked the first question, his bald head glistening. Before he asked it, though, Brady pulled out a camera and took a picture of Sanders.

When Sanders finished asking his two fluff questions, he told reporters: "Guys, take it easy on him. He is the best."

I love you Deion, but shut the hell up and get out of the way. That was the sanest moment.

One question: "What is your purpose in life?"

"I don't think any of us cure cancer," Brady answered.

Another: What's your favorite band?

Turns out it's U2. Thought he was definitely more of a 50 Cent fan.

"How is your Zen-ness holding up?" Brady was asked.

What the hell is Zen-ness?

One of many 'Miss Brady's' in Patriots quarterback Tom's life. (Getty Images)

Remember, this isn't Brady's first rodeo. You might already know that Brady has won a few rings. Still, even Brady looked stunned at what he was seeing.

At one point he broke out his camera again, leaned back, and then confidently snapped a picture. "I've got to get a picture of this," he said. "I'm not going to remember this one day."

"What's your favorite movie?" Brady was asked.

"Braveheart. Not for the love story either," Brady said.

Later, Entertainment Tonight's Kevin Frazier, who I grew up with in Columbia, Md., and continues to make Columbia proud, handed Brady that show's Top Model award. Not even sure what that is.

"Who would you want to play you in a movie?" Brady was asked.

"Tom Hanks," he said.

Another "reporter" asked: "How do you feel about being the stud of the NFL?"

The stud of the NFL? What the hell?

Then, Miss Nevada showed up, bangs popping, eyelashes bopping, and asked Brady: "How many marriage proposals do you get a year?"

At least one ... on Media Day.

Just another day in the life of Brady on a day like no other we've ever seen before. And considering this was Media Day, that says a lot.