Hochuli is only the official face of unruly NFL problem
As Ed Hochuli finishes that second coat of paint on Roger Goodell's patio furniture and prepares to sand down the deck of the commissioner's boat, the S.S. Master of The Universe (which is what happens when you're downgraded), we are confronted yet again by the central truth of the National Football League's ongoing officiating problem.
And no, it isn't any of the things people like to say it is.
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| Ed Hochuli can't be blamed for a broken rulebook. (Getty Images) |
What it is, is this: The rulebook is written and modified by coaches to the point where none of it makes any sense at all.
What it is, is this: Replay, which is a lot more hit and miss than the technologoids will admit, has made cowards of the officials.
What it is not, is the fact that officials aren't full-time employees. That's the one that's nonsense.
But the NFL, in its infinite arrogance (and that may be giving the league all the best of it there), has always opted for the notion that human beings can and must be controlled, that judgment and common sense are wrong and must be eradicated wherever possible, and that all problems are solved with machinery.
The fools.
The true and central facts are these: The rules committee, which is usually dominated by coaches who have spent their lives trying to flout the rules, can no longer be sensibly interpreted. Fumbles aren't fumbles, they're muffs or tucks or caused by the ground or something else. Advancing the ball when it looks like it ought to be advanceable isn't allowed. The touchdown celebrations of young men are being evaluated by old men. It's a book full of arcane and purist idiocies that cannot help but crush even the best officials, and undermines the very essence of the sport, namely this:
You ought to be able to easily understand what is plainly in front of your face, and if there is a rule that denies you that right, the rule is stupid.
The answer: Fix the rulebook first. If there are more than two listed exceptions to a simple rule like a fumble, the rule's no good and must be simplified, period. Preferably without the help of coaches, who spend their lives actively looking for ways around rules and then in retirement try to patch up all the loopholes they found. Now you have a book that looks like the tax code, only less fathomable.
One small example: The horrifyingly stupid celebration rule, which actually isn't even about playing the game but is more about the tastes of advertisers. Instead of seeking out the simplest solution -- a time limit that can be easily measured and enforced -- the rule has so many nooks and crannies that anything that looks like happiness must be flagged just to be on the safe side.
We can fix the problem now, and there wasn't any committee over at the house studying the problem for three years. A player gets five seconds from the time he scores to celebrate in any way that does not confront or involve an opponent. Five seconds, and that's it. On the sixth second, it's a 15-yard penalty, enforceable after the ensuing kickoff. No gray area, no style points, no nebulous judgment. Cruel, yet fair.
