Give Haynesworth cash to anyone other than Redskins, or Albert

I have an Albert Haynesworth/Redskins theory, and it isn't the linear "He's a bad guy/They're a bad team" argument that most people hold.

I mean, they're both right, which is why listening to them argue is so tedious. Haynesworth has been a sloth through this whole I-can't-function-as-a-nose-tackle thing, and Mike Shanahan has been a nag through this I'll-show-you-who's-boss response.

Albert Haynesworth doesn't deserve the money he isn't earning by loafing through Redskins training camp. (Getty Images)

Well, since "a pox on both their houses" is kind of a weenie argument (and since nobody really uses "pox" as an insult any more), here's an alternative that we believe everyone will hate.

The NFL takes whatever money Haynesworth has left on his contract and distributes it to the season-ticket holders of the other 31 teams as a kind of rebate for services rendered and shmata bought. It may not be much –- hell, $30, maybe –- but it's the kind of empty gesture that the league would trumpet as proof of its essential moral, ethical and charitable purity.

OR ...

It takes the money and throws it into post-Katrina reconstruction funds.

OR ...

They apply it to Roger Goodell's next vacation trip, to climb K2 with Clark Judge and Sara Rue.

OR ...

They just blow it on liquor and hookers for everyone at the Christmas party, including anyone who lost their jobs when the league decided to downsize the home office.

Doesn't really matter what, really, as long as the money leaves the Redskins and Haynesworth and goes somewhere else. Anywhere else.

The Redskins can't have it because they need to learn a lesson about throwing money away. They agreed to pay the man, and they shouldn't be rewarded because they can't come together with him on a plan that doesn't weaken and embarrass the club.

And Haynesworth can't have it because, well ... Hey, show up for work in shape and then bitch, that's why.

The Redskins can't have it because football is a hard game with a short shelf life for its participants.

Redskins vs. Haynesworth

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And Haynesworth can't have it because he has been a complete baby about the position thing. You want to pick your position, then go upstairs and demand to be the coach.

Our point here is that both sides are at fault for making this last so long and so stupidly so, so nobody should come away feeling like they succeeded. And the only to do that is to see to it that the money goes somewhere else.

Anywhere else. Like maybe the Ray Ratto Book And Milk Fund.

OK, that last one probably wouldn't fly (although we can think of at least one firm "yes" vote), but the principle is sound. The best way for owners to understand that there is good money and bad money is to make sure they can't recover the bad money. And the best way for players to understand that there is a limit to diva-hood is to stop paying them when they exceed known diva-esque limits.

And maybe shipping the money to float a school district for two, or five, or 12 years might be a better way to put the dough to use than picking between Haynesworth and Dan Snyder.

Hell, sending the money as a grant to the National Railyard Hobo And Barfly Foundation would be a better use, but that might be a tougher sell with the IRS, given that the hobos haven't finished the paperwork for their tax-exempt status.

But you get the point. Albert and Danny need to feel the pain for putting us through the pain. Quid, meet quo, you pros. And if ridicule won't do it, knowing that they both blew a lot of dough not doing their jobs might make them think a little harder next time.

Plus, the kids at the Book and Milk Fund will be ever so grateful. Right, you little weasels?

Ray Ratto is a columnist for Comcast SportsNet Bay Area.