Four playoff teams are gone, and soon, the postseason hardware will be, too.
Shaun Alexander. Tony Dungy. Brian Urlacher. You should hear from all of them in the near future. But how about someone like Chicago's Fred Miller? Or Detroit's Matt Millen? They're deserving, too, but it's only here that they get their awards.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Whizzinators are back -- this time to honor the bad, the worse and the unimaginable from the second half of the season. Please hold your applause until all recipients are named.
We want to make sure they're still employed.
Baltimore coach Brian Billick: He broke two ribs while playing racquetball with assistant Dennis Thurman. "I'm having a helluva time sleeping, and having a tough time yelling out at practice," he told reporters. "Everything is a whisper, so players don't know what to do." We know, Brian. We watched them play.
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| How beautiful: Ralph Nader stands up for T.O. (AP) |
Detroit president Matt Millen: He was the target of angry Lions fans after he sacked coach Steve Mariucci, and the club sank to its fifth consecutive losing season. More than 500 fans participated in a protest march before the Lions' last home game, with one carrying a sign that read, "Millen for Bin Laden." The State Department is investigating, wondering if draft picks might clinch the deal.
Whyatt Mondesire: The head of the Philadelphia NAACP, Mondesire charged in a Dec. 4 column that Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb choked in the Super Bowl and disrespected African Americans by not running the ball. McNabb was baffled, as was the NAACP's national president, Bruce C. Gordon. "The NAACP has many civil-rights issues that require our attention," he said in a statement. "Criticizing Donovan McNabb is not one of them." No, that job belongs to Terrell Owens.
Chicago offensive linemen Olin Kreutz and Fred Miller: The two got into a brawl, then lied about it. Miller suffered a broken jaw in the altercation but said it happened in a fall down the stairs at his home. He stuck to the story until the Chicago Sun-Times revealed that he was hurt in an altercation that erupted after he and Kreutz were invited to an FBI shooting range and attended a barbecue where alcohol was consumed. According to the Sun-Times, Kreutz struck Miller, and Miller responded by hitting the Pro Bowl center with a five-pound weight, opening a cut that required 13 stitches. Now you know why they're called the Monsters of the Midway.
St. Louis offensive assistants Wilbert Montgomery and Steve Fairchild: The two squared off briefly during a Wednesday practice in November. Apparently, they were at odds over a Sports Illustrated article that quoted an unnamed veteran ripping the team's defensive tackles. Curiously, it didn't seem to bother the defensive coaches.
Adam "Pacman" Jones: The Tennessee rookie cornerback didn't like the needling he took over his failure to pay $500 in dues toward a Christmas Fund for the team's support staff. Then he launched into an obscenity-filled tirade when he couldn't get a pair of socks from the team's equipment manager. Patience, Pacman. At Christmas, it's one stocking to a customer.
Cincinnati wide receiver Chad Johnson: After scoring in the Bengals' loss to Indianapolis, he ran to the sidelines, got down on one knee and proposed to a Bengals' cheerleader. Meet Daphne, who in her bio mentioned that her hero is Oprah Winfrey -- Johnson's hero -- and that her favorite player is Johnson. When she's not on the Bengals sidelines, Daphne is an account executive at radio Kiss 107, which, it so happens, is Johnson's favorite station. Beautiful. The proposal was in jest, and Johnson later conceded he didn't know her name. "I had to reach deep into my bag of tricks," he said. "Proposing is something everybody does, and, once you do, your life is over." Oh. Did I mention that Chad's other hero is Britney Spears?
The Oakland Raiders: Starting with their 31-10 loss to Denver, they became the first team to broadcast games to the Navajo Nation in Navajo. "Raider Nation and Navajo Nation unite," Patty Herrera, director of multicultural initiatives for the Raiders, told the San Francisco Chronicle. "It couldn't be more perfect." Great. First we take their land; now we give them the Raiders.
