Doyel's right: The game will be a blowout

Doyel: Bears are p---ing themselves

Twenty-five genius, stone cold lock Super Bowl predictions sure to come true from the best national columnist this side of Larry King:

1. Brian Griese will throw for two touchdowns.

Breaking news: Tony Dungy is coaching in the Super Bowl. And for once, Tom Brady isn't playing in it. (AP)

2. Peyton Manning will film seven commercials during the national anthem.

3. Linebacker Brian Urlacher will be named Most Valuable Player.

4. The game will be a blowout.

5. There will be 782,000 mentions that Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith are good friends.

6. The fact two black coaches are in the Super Bowl will be mentioned 3.82 million times.

7. There will be color commentary on the game from Michael Richards. Trust me, that joke is funny.

8. Prince will grab his crotch. Twice.

9. Janet Jackson will grab hers. Once. Just for old time's sake.

10. Fidel Castro will die during a two-point conversion.

11. Doyel will demonstrate a modicum of talent in his Super Bowl column.

12. Prisco will weep when Peyton Manning throws a touchdown pass.

13. I will go to the bathroom four times; a number two once.

14. One Cincinnati Bengal will be arrested in downtown Miami. In the third quarter. By Shaquille O'Neal.

15. Other Bengals will download porn between Super Bowl commercials.

16. Steve Nash will kick three field goals.

17. Tom Brady will show up for pregame introductions, forgetting he is not in the Super Bowl this year.

18. While the 16 hours of pregame shows roll on, Dallas owner Jerry Jones, trying to fill his vacant head coaching position, will interview Ron Rivera, Barbara Bush, Flavor Flav, Refrigerator Perry's right butt cheek, the crew from Around the Horn, Phil Simms, Kevin Federline, himself, two South Beach chefs, a beer can, Stuart Scott's good eye, Aunt Mary, Joakim Noah and the guy who invented the iPod.

19. Adam Vinatieri will miss one field goal.

20. The Bears will rush for more than 200 yards.

21. Someone will mention the words: "The Manning Family." Many, many times.

22. Nick Saban will give a halftime interview in which he states he never used the offensive phrase "coon a--." And he is absolutely not coaching the University of Alabama.

23. There will be several models in the stands using their cell phones. Shocking development, yes.

24. Jim Nantz will call an excellent game.

25. And the Bears will win 35-10.