Hockey commercials; there aren't enough of them. Nothing can beat a well done hockey commercial that makes you long to see the painted ice and hear the sounds of big hits and slap shots. Earlier this week, Al Muir at SI did a list with the 12 greatest hockey commercials and while it's pretty solid, I'm not sure how this didn't make the cut.
Then there are the other hockey commercials, the ones that weren't quite as good. I won't go as far as to say that they will make you not want to watch hockey again, but some of them are close.
So without further ado, the 12 worst hockey commercials. Undoubtedly there are others I have never seen, likely from local markets, so be a good person and link to them below so we can all enjoy the awfulness. Just know that there is so much awfulness out there it's hard to get it all in one post.
12. Bobby Hull syrup ad
OK, it's not terrible but it's just ... kinda awkward. It's not too what, kid? IT'S NOT TOO WHAT? And why is Bobby Hull just sitting at the kitchen table behind a newspaper while somebody interviews a kid right next to him about pancakes?
11. Wayne Gretzky Coyotes commercial
The worst part of all? Visions of Gretzky coaching the Coyotes again. Oof.
10. Georges Laraque TekSavvy ad
What exactly is going on in this commercial anyway? It doesn't matter, I'm too distracted by Laraque's Falsetto and then jiggle at the end.
9. Brian Campbell with not one but two
Soupy is just not the first guy I would think of if I wanted to do a commercial but just adding to the bad? The jerseys. In one they had to strip the logo off completely and in the other he's wearing the Buffaslug. Oh and did I mention he's talking about excessive sweating? Yea, not the best around.
8. Rangers Sasoon commercial
I'm torn on this commercial because it's so bad that it's good. Those are great looks for Phil Esposito, Don Maloney, Ron Greschner and Anders Hedberg. Now excuse me while I sing "Ooo la la, Sasoon!" for the rest of the day.
7. Wayne and Keith Gretzky for 7-Up
Poor Gretzky, one of the greatest hockey players ever but he continually got stuck in bad commercials. I mean, who drinks 7-Up after lifting weights and then has a laugh like that with their brother? Major bonus points for the inclusion of Keith Gretzky.
6. Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews for Streak
Oh this one is just awful. It's long which only prolongs the misery that comes with the awful acting. And yes, it's doubtful that Kane and Toews could pick up women without the help of a Streak and each other. Add in a few bad hockey references at awkward times and it's a perfect mixture of badness.
5. Lanny McDonald and Brian Glennie for Hungryman
He goes WILD! And note how Glennie just rips the door off the freezer. Remind me not to invite him over for dinner, especially if he's bringing over Hungryman. MEOW!!!
4. Mario Lemieux fan giveaway
I'm not sure words can describe just how awkward this is. And creepy, incredibly creepy. I mean, Lemieux just shows up in this kids room, siddles up beside him in full uniform, and then just lifts him and stars. They say nothing, they just look at each other. It's way more scary than anything Wes Craven ever came up with. How that kid isn't screaming for bloody murder is beyond me.
3. Max Talbot Superstar
Oh Maxime Talbot is a superstar all right ... of bad commercials. The little hand shake; what is that? It appears like it's Talbot's acting calling card. He sure is impressed with all the little things they did to his car too, it's almost like he's never had a routine check-up before. Then asking the receptionist out? Not cool, Max. Not. Cool.
2. Lanny McDonald for Apollo Muffler
Glorious. This is definitely in the so bad it's good category. The choir? Check. Lanny in a white sweater with a collar? Check. Lanny snapping his fingers and then dancing? Check and check. It's a wonder McDonald wasn't in every commercial that hockey players were used in during the 80s.
1. Pittsburgh Penguins for A&L Motors
It's saying something when Talbot is the best actor in your commercial, something bad. Colby Armstrong is just totally stiff while Talbot is in his own flow. I love that they felt the need to keep the camera on him Talbot while he did his little ... whatever that was. It lingered longer than it should have. Then speaking of bad acting, what about Sergei Gonchar and Evgeni Malkin? Gonchar couldn't sound more like a Russia robot if he tried. Malkin doesn't say anything and still comes across as a bad actor.
The Penguins appear to be the champions of bad commercials. Keep in mind, I didn't even squeeze in any Sidney Crosby ads like this awkward bread one.